Growing up, I was always taught that any problem I had, big or small, I should turn to God and pray. It took me a long time to understand that I wasn't supposed to pray to God asking for what I wanted to happen, but it was more so about praying to him for strength that I could make it through whatever would happen.
Before I could wrap my head around this, I was angry and frustrated with God. I didn't understand why I had certain problems in my life. I didn't understand why the relationships in my life were faltering. This included long-standing relationships with my parents to new-found relationships with friends I was meeting at college for the first time. I didn't understand why my prayers for guidance and a pathway to successful relationships weren't being answered. But then I understood clearly.
Before I could ask God to save the relationships in my life, I had to ask Him to save me.
If you were to stop reading this article right now, that would be the message I want you to take away. But I hope that you continue reading to understand that coming to this conclusion wasn't the easiest thing for me.
My life had become similar to the lyrics of a J. Cole song. He says, "you know the saying 'fake it 'til you make it', me I did the opposite, made it then I faked it."
Attending a great college, making great grades, and even getting involved around campus was exciting and amazing, but, deep down, I was not happy. From the outside looking in it seemed like I was happy, but in reality I was far from it. I used to think it was so cliche when people would say the people who seem the happiest are fighting the hardest battles but now I know that to be true.
Behind my smile, no one would ever know that I was struggling with major issues. Issues that I should have turned over to God, but at the time, I refused. Instead I tried distracting myself with schoolwork and focused on maintaining relationships with others.
From this point on, I was on a long road of self-destruction, refusing to acknowledge that the most important relationship in my life was my relationship with God. Instead of acknowledging it, I blamed Him. I blamed Him for my shortcomings in every way that I could. I was going through what was called "the bout with doubt."
When both of these things started to get worse and worse, I prayed about it. I prayed that my grades would pick up and that my relationships with the people I loved wouldn't suffer so much. But it wasn't my grades or my relationships that needed saving; it was me.
In order to be successful in any aspect of life whether it be at work, at school, or at home, you have to have a strong foundation, that foundation being your faith in God. Keep God in your heart and he'll never steer you wrong.
From now on, I take on every task, even the simplest of them, with my late grandmother's favorite Bible verse: Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
