Middle school for most people, like myself, is a time that isn’t looked back on fondly, but more looked back on with a harsh cringe at our past selves. Some memories may in fact turn out to be fond ones; that one time at the middle school dance where your crush told you that you looked pretty/handsome, the sleep overs with your bff of the time that made you stay up until the wee hours of the morning, the first “allowed” PG13 movie. However, A LOT of memories are bound to bring shame and embarrassment as if those memories are being relived right now; that first big red pimple that just happened to show up in time for picture day, those awful braces, the time your best friend turned out not to be your best friend after all, and that fated time when at least once you were made fun of and just wanted to run away.

Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator

Middle school has become, for us millennials, those years that are seldom thought of. And if those hated years are thought of, usually nothing pleasant comes from the memories (unless it’s the fond memory of when school was easy and we didn’t have to actually grow up yet). I, on the other hand, have started remembering every part of my middle school years and not being ashamed of what I used to be.

Looking Back

I grew up in a smaller town in central New Jersey, and went to a small Catholic school from Kindergarten until eighth grade. My grade was always small, with anywhere between only 18 and 25 kids for my entire time in the school. The number of girls in the class always outweighed the number of boys. We wore uniforms, had recess in the parking lot after lunch, normal homework schedules, lockers once you reached middle school (grades six through eight), everything you expect from a middle school experience. But the biggest difference was out class size. 18-25 kids all together from the beginning of school years - some joining our school a bit later – until it was time for high school. We all got to know each other very well within those years, so by the time middle school rolled around everyone was comfortable with each other – like a small diverse family of sorts.

Middle school then all of the sudden became when us girls noticed that we thought some of those boys were cute. Some of us were allowed to wear makeup and almost everyone started getting cell phones. These things seem irrelevant now, but at the time they were game changers. “Cliques” started forming because some people talked more out of class than others; I guess that's why I only ever had between two and four friends at a time. I was one of those girls that always preferred to be better friends with the boys, just because to me they were funnier and less stressful to hang out with, especially when so many things were changing all at once back in those days. In hind-sight I suppose the fact I preferred male friends lead to me being one of the more isolated people in this small class, but it’s definitely not the only reason.

I was one of those girls in middle school who was allowed to wear makeup and went crazy with it. Right now we live in the days of beautifully blended foundation and eyeshadow. Back then, however, caked on foundation that wasn’t properly blended at the jawline so it looked like a mask and brightly colored eyeshadow that, now, would look more like clown makeup than anything. I was a culprit of both faux pas, in addition to my racoon-like eyeliner. I had the thickest eyeliner, the thick side bangs that cover half of my face, a wardrobe consisting of almost exclusively black, everything that could scream “edgy pre-teen/early teen that wants to not be noticed but secretly wants a lot of attention.”

I had the worst acne, would have rather slept all day and stay up all night reading the Harry Potter and Twilight books over again, thought I was so deep for writing secret poetry that I never let anyone read. I listened to music that no one ese in my class really liked so they thought it was weird, but also tried really hard to listen to the same music they did so I would fit in. I struggled to figure out who I was, and it was even more terrifying to think about who I would become once middle school was over and I had to leave most of these kids I grew up with to start new – for the first time since Kindergarten – in high school.

Figuring It All Out

Thinking back on that, I am almost twenty years old and still haven’t quite figured out who I am. I have definitely become someone different than I was back then, but that’s the beauty of having these memories. Everything that I was back in middle school still lives on inside of me, it just keeps changing. Every awkward moment I survived built me into a sarcasm machine with the maximum levels of sass. Every note of music that meant so much to me on an emotional level still carries those feelings, that’s how songs like Welcome to the Black Parade by MCR and The Killers’ Mr. Brightside have come to shape our generation. Remembering middle school isn’t about that awful time in your life, or that time in your life when you were super popular, or that time you had a huge pimple in your yearbook photo. Remembering middle school is realizing everything that built the foundation of the amazing person you are today. Remembering middle school is about knowing where you came from and being so proud that you survived and grew from it.

I started as a book worm with black clothes and thick eye liner and music you could feel in your chest. I became a young woman that still wears a lot of black but has added some colors to her life by dying her hair a color that makes her smile. I became an honors student at her university who would still rather read Harry Potter than interact with anyone else, and who listens to music of all kinds but isn’t ashamed of my favorite songs anymore. I survived the awkwardness and shame and humiliation of adolescence and grew into someone that I am proud of and am excited to see how things keep evolving. Middle school was one of those times in life where everything changes so rapidly, and it may seem horrible to think about. But if you really think about it, you survived it all. So really, if you survived middle school you could truly survive anything this crazy life can throw at you.