"You reproduce all on your own?"
"You just haven't met the right person yet!"
"So you're, like, attracted to plants?"
"Oh, you're so repressed and sensitive!"
These are just a handful of responses I've gotten from people when I told them I'm asexual. What do all of these sentences have in common? They're incorrect, irritating, and kinda hurtful. For those who don't know, here are some basic facts about the A in LGBTQIA....
Firstly, what does it mean to be asexual (or ace, which is an abbrevation some people, including myself, use)? Let me explain. Asexual: (noun) someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction. Notice the "little-to-no" range in there. Asexual people can, and do, have sex, because sex drive is different than sexual attraction. Asexuality is a spectrum, and there are several different labels which are covered by that spectrum. Someone who is demisexual only experiences sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is formed with another person. Someone who is grey-asexual occasionally experiences sexual attraction. Someone who is sex-repulsed wants nothing to do with sex, ever. These are just a few examples, as well. All of them are valid identities, and none of these people would be considered more or less ace than the others.
Asexual also doesn't necessarily mean aromantic, which is when someone experiences little to no romantic attraction. "So, wait, you can have romantic love without sex?" Yup. Romantic attraction isn't always the same as sexual attraction. An ace person can be homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic...the list goes on. Not only that, but ace people can have just as happy and fulfilling relationships as those who do experience sexual attraction. I know. Wild.
Someone who identifies as asexual isn't repressed or broken. They don't need to "find the right person," and they certainly don't need someone to "show them why sex is so great" or "fix" them. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, not a choice. Which brings me to my next point: asexuality is not the same as abstinence or celibacy. Abstinence is when someone chooses to refrain from sexual activity. Celibacy is when someone, usually a priest or other religious official, chooses not to marry or have sex. As I stated before, asexuality is just the decreased or complete lack of sexual attraction.
So, no, we don't need to "meet the right person." We aren't weird or abnormal for not experiencing sexual attraction, or rarely experiencing it. We're just people, like everyone else. So please, no more jokes about asexual reproduction or aces being emotionless robots. Your ace friends will thank you.
