When I started writing articles for May, I'd decided to stop my writing about asexuality in favor of mental health, since May is Mental Health Month. However, due to an article that I read that showed not only a fundamental misunderstanding of asexuality but also of what constitutes a mental disorder, I'm going to rant a bit. The article that inspired this is entitled "I Found Out I Am Asexual And I Hate Myself For It."

So, dear man who hates himself for being asexual--let me talk about the issues I have with your perception of asexuality and of mental disorders.

Now, I will be the first to admit that asexuality certainly does come with some self-loathing. There's definitely the moments of "why am I like this?!" and wishing that you could just be "normal." That being said: I do not hate myself for being asexual, and I certainly wouldn't say it's even anywhere close to loved ones dying or in my top five biggest pains, as you do.

Perhaps the male experience is different - men are definitely expected to be more sexually active, and being an asexual man is likely harder than being an asexual female due to societal pressure. But regardless, I'm going to go out on a limb and state the following:

If you are calling your sexual orientation a disease, you either have something to come to terms with, or it isn't your sexual orientation.

Sexual orientations are not "diseases." The psychological community as a whole already has shown that homosexuality isn't a disease, and asexuality is not one either. Let me repeat: the psychological community has shown that asexuality is not a "disease." This is just one of many articles that have examined asexuality, and the majority have come to the conclusion that asexuality is just a sexual orientation.

I am not "diseased" because I don't want sex or don't experience sexual attraction.

However, some "diseases" do exist fitting your experience. Acquired Male Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder seems to fit the bill neatly--diagnostic criteria include deficient or absent sexual thoughts, with persistent symptoms, and it must cause significant distress. All of these seem to fit the bill neatly. This isn't asexuality because, as I stated, asexuality does not cause marked distress. Yes, it does pathologize asexuality and should be changed, but for the moment, this seems to fit. And before you doubt me, this comes directly from my Desk Reference to the Diagnostic Criteria from the DSM-5. If you "researched everything," I'd hope you'd have stumbled across this.

But, that aside, I'll bite.

Let's assume, for just a moment, that asexuality is, in fact, a mental disorder (or a "disease," as you called it, though that brings such a negative connotation to mental disorders). You admit you have a "mental disorder," yet you refuse to seek help for two reasons: medication creates chemical dependency, and you won't see a therapist because you'd "rather suck it up and use that money for golf." Let's talk about each of those reasons in turn.

First of all, medication. Not wanting to go on medication is totally fine and understandable--some people with mental disorders choose not to take medication for a host of reasons. This is completely valid, and I'm certainly not bashing people who don't want medication. However, not all medications create what you call a chemical dependency. Medications for mental illnesses are just like medications for physical illnesses--you feel bad if you don't take them, but that doesn't mean you have a "dependency."

The side effects of missing medication can be less than fun, and you shouldn't stop medication without consulting a psychiatrist, but psychiatrists exist to help you take medication in a way that benefits you. Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications are not like hard drugs--they really can benefit many people, "chemical dependency" aside.

However, the core of my issue stems from your reasoning to not want to see a therapist.

I know plenty of people who dislike medication, and that's fine, but if you won't take medication for a mental disorder, you need tools to manage it. A therapist gives you those. Heck, therapists can give you tools to just manage life, which is why people without mental disorders can benefit from them as well. But not seeing a therapist because you'd rather "suck it up" to spend the money on golfing?

Either golf is more important to you than your mental health, or you're so embroiled in toxic perceptions of masculinity that you'd rather be miserable than seek help. It is totally fine to seek help--seeking help requires its own special type of bravery. I admire that will to admit that you need help and take the steps to get it.

Now that you have more of the facts and another perspective, please stop spreading your hatred to the asexual community.

I am not about to serve as a gatekeeper for this community. Lord knows the asexual community has been excluded enough--we don't need people within our community being exclusionist. So if you really do think that asexual is the label that best fits you, please, be a part of our community. But if you are a part of our community, please rephrase the way you talk about us. Our lack of sex drive or desire for sex isn't "tragic." We aren't doomed to a life of loneliness.

And above all, we are not "diseased." We're healthy people with a normal sexual orientation.

Please consider the impact of your words on those who are actually asexual or questioning their identity. The moment you call your sexuality a disease and a burden that is comparable to the death of family members, you hurt people who might genuinely feel like asexual is the best label for them, as well as throw around the term "mental illness" far too loosely. So please, for the sake of our community, stop spreading this message.

Let the asexual population be proud and keep your negativity away from us. We already deal with more than enough of it. Being asexual is a pretty great thing, and we're honestly awesome. We are more than deprived, sexless beings who suffer.

We are proud asexuals, and we will love ourselves for it.