I Found Out I Am Asexual And I Hate Myself For It
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I Found Out I Am Asexual And I Hate Myself For It

I am going to tell you right now, even though there are a lot more asexuals out there than most, I hate this.

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I Found Out I Am Asexual And I Hate Myself For It
Dawid Zawila

Even though the title is 100% true, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Articles don't write themselves and sometimes you have to do things out of the extreme in order to build a brand, only this time around, it's actually 100% serious. Alrighty then, let's do it.

The title says all, and it doesn't need any explanation. Yes, I am an asexual male who was in a fraternity in college and has never been in an actual relationship. Woohoo. Now that's off my chest, I would just like to say this is the biggest pain in the ass I have ever experienced in life, and I have had multiple family members pass away. This "asexual" thing is in the top 5 for life events. If you are already pissed off or depressed reading this, I would advise you to close this right now, because I am about to go deeper.

How did my asexuality develop?

I was a normal college straight dude in a fraternity, and ladies reading this, you know what that means. Literally scheming and planning my way on how to get laid as much as I could by being the nice guy. Of course, myself being a 5-foot 2-inch Asian male didn't grant me as much success as I wanted, and the rejects were piling one on top of another like I applied to an Ivy League. While these rejections were happening, I noticed something was changing. Every time a rejection from a female happened, whether it was asking for sex or just even a date, I became less and less sexually attracted to the female population. I wouldn't disagree that a certain person was attractive, but within three years of college, the sexual attraction was gone completely, and I knew something was wrong. I self-tested myself and used some connections in the Psychology industry, and I have met the criteria for most of the symptoms.

So what is asexuality exactly?

If you look it up on Wikipedia, it's the lack of sexual attraction to others or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. I thought I was genophobic (a fear of having sexual activity with another human), but after going through the symptoms, it looks like I am asexual and genophobic. Tragic, am I right? No sex for this guy, which means no relationships either.

What have you done ever since you found out you were asexual?

I researched everything. I hate to be identified with the asexual community, because it makes it seem like a disease (even though it probably is). I have been looking for cures for this because I do not want to accept that this is my fate in life - there needs to be another way around this. Anti-depressant pills have been known to help with this, but chemical dependency is a nasty side effect, so that option is out. Of course, talking with psychologists is the way to help with this, but there's no way in hell I am paying for that, as I would rather suck it up and use that money for golf.

What's the plan now?

Exactly what I just said up there: suck it up, live with it for the rest of my life, and try to make the best out of the situation. I am going to tell you right now, even though there are a lot more asexuals out there than most, I hate this. I hate the fact I can't be attracted to anything anymore; I miss the rush of liking a girl to a point to where she would just to tell me that she would rather be friends or sleep with one of my other friends. I wish it would just go away, but I know deep down it probably never will. I should probably be talking to someone about this, yes, but I'd rather not. If you got this far in the article, thanks for reading. You're putting bread on the table for me. Although the chances of me being attracted to someone to a point of a relationship is almost zero, it's nice to know someone out there knows what it's like. Most of you don't give a shit about this, and that's fine, but I am just glad you stuck around to read my stuff.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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