I recall being a kid and giggling when my mom thought I was lying to her, even though I truly wasn’t. I knew it was wrong to lie. So how come as kids we learn it’s wrong to deceive others but not ourselves? Or better yet, who taught us the art of self-deception?
We are all born with a structured anatomy and physique.
The word delicate comes to mind. We are pure, unsoiled by misconceptions, uninfluenced by humankind, not yet possessing expectations for ourselves and others.
So when does the metamorphosis impose?
Granted, there are an infinite amount of exterior influences on the development of our bodies, hearts and minds. I just wonder how each of us reach conclusions about ourselves, when in fact, we are never truly done growing.
So why pretend as if we know all our capabilities? What gives us the right to lie to everyone around us by lying to ourselves?
I asked a group of significant people in my life to respond to a question that has been on my mind lately.
“What is the biggest lie you’ve ever told yourself?”
- “That I could find happiness by listening to others.”
- “I tell myself I am not good enough to deserve my boyfriend, girlfriends, and family in my life all the time, but I’m aware that that’s a lie. So yes, now I’m a liar, but I’m good enough.”
- “That I don’t struggle with body image.”
- “I’ve never felt what others describe as love so I think lying (to him) about being in love was the biggest lie.”
- “I’m going to start eating healthy now.”
- “That college is always necessary.”
- “My biggest lie was a relationship that was fully built on me lying to myself over and over again.”
- “Everything is going to be fine.”
- “My biggest lie is that I need validation from others to feel, think, move, etc. In the end, all I need is the right mentality and some ambition.”
- “That I’m not smart enough.”
- “That I’m straight and don’t care what people think.”
- “That I was in control of a situation where I wasn’t. I’m not sure if that is the biggest but it’s the most consistent.”
- “You can always do it tomorrow.”
- “That I wasn’t hurting anymore about the things that have happened and that I was happy with myself.”
- “That I will keep every New Year's resolution.”
- “That I’m definitely not going to gain weight from eating any of this.”
- “I don’t want/need help.”
- “That other people are responsible for why I am the way I am.”
- “The biggest lie that I convince myself of is that I need and want a relationship that is deteriorating my emotional and mental stability. You wouldn’t expect a piece of scotch tape to dam a river so why expect overcompensation to support a relationship.”
- “That calories are the Devil.”
- “I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s my biggest lie but I often lie about my virginity status. I didn’t have a positive experience.”
- “That I would never fall in love.”
- “I used to lie to myself that I was fat when I wasn’t. Now I lie to myself that I’m skinny when I’m really fat.”
- “That I’m actually being productive.”
- “That I need to fit in.”
- “Probably that my health will get better and not worse. Also, that everyone cares.”
- “That if I’m skinny I’ll be happy and motivated to do things in life.”
- “I’d rather not say, if that is OK with you.”
- “The biggest lie that I’ve told myself is about my sexuality and that even though girls who like girls attracted me, it was only a fetish or some shit but really I was straight.”
- “I’m going to wake up early tomorrow.”
- “I constantly lie to myself about not resenting my best friend for things she’s done or said to me in the past. I also lie by telling myself I’ll get over it if I ignore it.”
- “The biggest lie I’ve told myself is that I’m not scared for my future.”
- “We fight because we love each other.”
The things people have admitted to lying about are not at all what they portray in their everyday lives — in fact, most of them are polar opposites. Looking at this group of people and trying to match the lies with faces would be an incredibly difficult task.
It just goes to show how much there is to a person beyond their exterior facades. While opening up and being vulnerable is brave, it takes courage to truly embrace the things we fear within ourselves.
Imagine if we were all honest with ourselves, if we communicated and aligned our minds and bodies if there was a mass extinction of fear and self-deception.
So maybe the truth is that you are gay and that’s why you keep going on dates with the opposite sex. Maybe you hate working out but continue to do so because you hate your body. Maybe you are in a messy relationship and refuse to believe you’ll be OK without them.
Maybe you lied to both yourself and I when I asked you to answer this question.
Or maybe the truth is that you’re an incredible person who diminishes that with every lie you feed your brain.
So often we choose to overlook what is right in front of us. I think we fear not only voicing these thoughts but also confiding in the wrong person.
Once we admit it to ourselves we can begin diminishing it, moving forward, expanding our capabilities and accepting the truth.
I think my fascination with unraveling the root of people's insecurities stems from my own increasing awareness of the lies I’ve been living. Too many lies make for a tangled web of confusion and hesitation at best.
So here I am, untangling the web I’ve woven and acknowledging the things I’ve tried to bury beneath old habits and false words. I’m deciding to be honest with both myself and others from here on out.
I challenge you to do the same.
“I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me.”
―S.E. Hinton, "The Outsiders"
