GREENVILLE, S.C. — After trudging through puddles, Peter Seaberg arrived to class with soggy sneakers and damp socks. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head when he saw Marina wearing sandals.

"Why are you wearing sandals when it's raining?" he asks Marina. Marina claps back by explaining how sandals are the perfect shoes to wear in rainy weather. While flip-flops raise the risk of slipping and falling and most closed-toe shoes are inefficient foot sponges, sandals will keep your feet secure and free from mild athlete's foot.

Your feet may get wet, but at least your shoes don't smell like wet dog. Peter is going to have to go the rest of the day with damp feet and put newspapers in his shoes later to prevent them from eternally smelling.

Marina pities Peter and his poor planning.

Peter's pride prevents him from wearing sandals in the rain because he fears that other people will criticize him just as he criticizes other people. If only his stubbornness could shield him from the rain.

Later that day, Peter returned home and stuffed his sneakers with teabags before realizing that there is no teabag strong enough to erase the stench of his mistakes. He throws his shoes in the dishwasher, but he will never know how to wash away his sins. His shoes will never be the same.

Marina has had the same pair of sandals for the last two years. They're still going strong. Payless has treated her so well. Today, Marina has successfully asserted her dominance and intelligence over Peter and labeled him as a beta male.

Peter, the beta male, will continue to wear his stupidly absorbent sneakers in the rain, like the ignorant plebeian he is. He will never learn.