Are you there, God?
I know that it is true, you are there indeed, but lately I have abandoned you. You are always there for me but for the past three years, I have slighted you. Only recently have I come around and renewed my interest with trust in God and ultimately faith.
What happened? This is a question you might know the answer to but I am still trying to figure out. I went to church regularly my whole life, took communion all the time, and prayed at least once in a while. My religiosity was unwavering, but later my spiritual life proved to be missing something.
I thought I was doing everything correctly. The external rituals were supposed to connect to my internal conscience, right? Well, that is what I thought naturally happens, but I did not put enough faith and work into the practice of my religion for that to become a reality.
Once I began college, various external and internal barriers affected my spiritual life. I was not attending church, taking communion, or praying anymore. The physical aspects faded, and eventually so did the spiritual rigor.
During breaks, I attend church and take communion regularly at home. At the time though, I still was not fulfilled. After one year of this, I went through a couple of hardships. I thought that the situation would lead me closer to you, but instead, I doubted you. I became critical of you and blamed you for it. The experience had an opposite effect.
This went on for a year, until I hit what I thought was my lowest point. The next semester though, I took a leap of faith, literally. Joining a Bible study group shortly after the rough patches occurred changed my mindset. The group is called Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and I love it so much. I began to attend weekly small group Bible studies and my perspective about individual spirituality and connection to the Bible and God completely changed. The small group is intimate enough to have fulfilling intellectual and analytical conversations about the Bible and God, but large enough to make new friends and have a social circle to rely on.
The effects were instant. I began to feel more content throughout my day, almost every day of the week. God, I know that you helped me with this, but a lot of it came from myself as well. My mood and general attitude veered in a brighter direction because I knew that it could. I thought to myself, “Life is great” and it became so.
The question is, why could I have not figured that out earlier? Well, I think I needed a bit of a push, correct? This commenced with beginning to read and study the Bible with my new friends, but it continued because I had faith and hope that the course of my life could change.
Guess what? I took more chances and developed immensely. I learned to brush off the small things and appreciate what I have. I stopped taking my friends for granted and gave them as much attention and care as I could possibly muster up. Dreaming and dancing were not hobbies of the past, but a new constant that became natural to me again.
Since this revelation and renewed commitment to you, I have become a better and more complete version of myself. Thank you for all of the good you have done for me and others. All I have is faith and love in your works and I do not think I will go back after that.
