My suitcase and my duffle bag sit side-by-side on the floor of my room, weighing in at a combined 75 pounds. That's all. My entire collection of necessities sits crammed in two bags waiting to be hauled into the back of my dad's car and stored on an airplane.
A lot of people feel nervous before they leave to study abroad, or feel so excited they can't contain their enthusiasm. I don't really feel anything. I'm numb to it because it doesn't feel real. I'll be studying abroad in a country I've dreamed of living my entire life and I don't want to jinx it by feeling excited. Only a two hour car ride stands between myself and seat 13K on a British Airways jet.
Study abroad has definitely been the only topic of conversation in my house for the last two weeks. Between my own trip and my sister going to Thailand in a month, travel logistics and last minute shopping consumed the household. The phrases, "Are you ready?" "Are you excited?" and "Are you nervous?" have been asked by every human being I've come into contact with. But I don't want to talk about it or plan for it anymore, I just want to be there.
So am I nervous? Yes, I'm terrified. I hate flying, I'm scared of heights and London Heathrow airport threatens to swallow me in the hour and a half delay I have between connecting flights. I haven't met my host family, I've only communicated with my roommate via Facebook and I'm 100 percent positive I forgot something stupid at home like a phone charger.
Am I excited? Yes, I can't wait. I've been taking French for seven years now and I've always wanted to study abroad to become fluent. French slang isn't something that can be learned in a United States classroom setting. I'm very excited to wake up every morning and walk along cobblestone streets to class, maybe stopping at the farmer's market on the way to grab some fresh fruit. I can't wait to travel and fully immerse myself in a culture other than the one I grew up in.
But I don't want to imagine it or dream about it or talk about it anymore. I want to wake up in Provence living and breathing it all. I'd preferably like to skip both plane rides, too.
So am I ready to study abroad? Hypothetically, yes. At least my 75 pound bags would say so. Emotionally? Probably not.
Ask me in a month.
