Long Distance Relationships Can be Both Good And Bad

Why Long Distance Is The Worst And Best Challenge For Couples

Like a pH tester for love?

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Over 300 hours on facetime and thousands of text messages later, I finally got to see him in person and give him the biggest hug for the first time in months.

Relationships are unique (duh). They come in all different shapes and sizes, but the most ideal one would be where both (or more) partners are loving and supportive of each other- of course, this becomes a lot harder to do if said SO lived 100+ miles away, or was abroad nearly 10,000 miles for a long time. The most common form of an LDR (long distance relationship), especially at our age, are couples that are separated for the summer, after beginning their relationship at school. It's hard and can be scary. This person who you've probably only just started seeing is now further than you can physically reach, and your only method of communication is through a screen.

However, as many have found out, this distance could actually be a really good thing. First, of course, is that it can kind of provide you with a clear head- perhaps you were just crushing on them too hard, and deliberately overlooked qualities that might be pretty bad problems down the road. Or maybe, you just realize that you aren't ready for a relationship at the moment.

If you both decide to stay together, you might find some rather positive changes that have occurred over the time apart, once you're together again. LDRs can create a kind of independence and trust within each other: whereas before the involuntary break, you might have found it difficult to do anything without thinking about your SO, or physically being with them, this period of time not spent together might have gotten you both used to do your own thing, while also being able to keep in touch and still know what's going on in each other's lives.

The willingness to enter into an LDR can say a lot as well. LDRs essentially have the word "commitment" painted all over them, and though I'm definitely not condoning entering one to "test" a relationship, if your SO seems willing and eager to try for one so that they can continue to be with you, odds are it's probably looking pretty good.

There's a lot of downsides to Long Distance Relationships, for sure. Get ready for lots of days and nights filled with frustration at your shitty internet connection, interruptions from friends and family, and awkward Skype sex (if you guys are into that kind of thing ofc), but too often, I hear so many people complain about LDRs and seem to treat it as a 100% evil thing. Sure, it might be a relationship ender, but sometimes, that might not be such a bad thing. And there's always a chance of it ending in you finding the one that's right for you.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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Leave Your Ex Alone

They don't want to bother with you, so stop bothering them.

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It's okay to be friends with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, but you can never be friends immediately after the break-up or else the friendship will fail. To be someone's friend you must be able to support them and love them. Relationships almost never end on good terms, so how can you be truly supportive to the person that broke you? You can't.

You both need time to heal and love yourselves again without the emotional support that you both have been leaning on for so long."You can't fix yourself while holding on to the person that broke you." -r.h.sin. Remember that.

Also, please for the sake of all your friends, followers, and your self-dignity, keep your relationship off social media. I'm not saying don't post want you to want to post, but when your profile has turned into a hate blog for your ex, I think it's time quit. Not only does constantly posting negative things about your ex make you look bad, but it also makes the healing process go even slower and possibly ruin the chances of friendship again.

And if you truly believe that sending a text that is close to the length of 400 words to your ex explaining once again that you are completely over them will make them change their minds then go off, but know it most likely won't work. Then didn't care the first time, they won't care the seventh time.

So basically, be respectful and be kind to your ex. No matter how messed upshot they did was and no matter how badly that hurt you, realize that treating them terrible back solves nothing and only reflects badly on you. You can't change how people treat you, but you can choose how to react.

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