Dear gals,

Hey there. While I have this platform to talk to a lot of people at once, I want to say something very important:

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry to all the female celebrities I hated and bashed so much as a child.

I’m sorry to all the girls I’ve judged for wearing a certain kind of makeup or clothing.

I’m sorry to all the girls whose Facebooks and Instagrams I’ve stalked and compared myself to, silently pointing out every single flaw to make myself feel better.

I’m sorry to all my friends who I wasn’t as excited for as I should have been when you had major accomplishments.

I’m sorry to my sister, who I used to feel like I was lowkey competing with when, in reality, you’re the one person who’s always been there for everything, no matter what.

What made me realize that I needed to address all of this unconscious cattiness toward my own gender was when, a few days ago, I found myself scrolling through a friend of mine’s Facebook and, without thinking about it, starting to get upset because she looked really, really good in her pictures from formal. Keep in mind here, this girl is incredibly sweet and has never been anything but nice to me or my friends. She has a significant other, as do I, so it’s not like there’s some kind of tension over dating. Overall, she’s a cool girl and I like her.

Which is why it is not OK that I was in a bad mood very soon after seeing her formal pictures.

I’m just now realizing how crucial it is for women to support each other. Things like slut-shaming, fat-shaming, skinny-shaming, etc. put all of us at even more of a risk than normal for things like eating disorders, mental illnesses, self-esteem problems and more. With the hyper-sexualized culture that pervades our society, we are already under a huge amount of pressure to look and act a certain way. We need support, not judgment or criticism, from those who understand that struggle the most.

It’s hard to stop yourself from judging just because it’s something we naturally do. What I’ve found to be important is to recognize it, tell myself to stop and then actually stop. Easier said than done, but the thought of another girl getting upset because of my pictures, accomplishments, or whatever it may be makes me sick; I wouldn’t wish that upon someone else.

As women, we have an incredible amount of power when we make the decision to take care of each other. I’m in a sorority (Kappa Alpha Theta, TLAM for lyfe), and the number of Thetas in the audience at any event that involves a sister blows my mind every time. Just acknowledging and highlighting other women’s success makes a massive difference, and it’s so easy to do if you can let yourself without getting jealous or comparing yourself to her.

The best way to get there, at least for me, is to remember that her success does not take away from mine; her achievements do not make mine any less notable; and her happiness will not come at the cost of my own.

We’ve been raised in a culture that has us up to our eyeballs in internalized misogyny and competition. It is high time to open those eyes and see the incredible power we can have if we fight for, not against, the rest of our gender.