The years between 6th and 8th grade were probably the worst of my formal education: not only was I painfully shy, but I was a slightly overweight overachiever with wire-rimmed glasses who was attempting to grow out an awful haircut from my elementary school days. Needless to say I was the epitome of an awkward twelve year old who had somehow missed the cue on how to fit in properly. For three years I shifted from grade to grade, silently wondering how other girls managed to do it: not only to survive puberty in one piece while, but doing so while having the confidence and charisma to pull off any outfit or speak effortlessly to their crushes. These were the girls who rocked braces and always seemed to have perfect skin as well. They had it all.
To an awkward girl like me, this just wasn't fair. When was I going to blossom into a beautiful, blemish-free pre-teen who could afford to dress head to toe in Abercrombie?!? Yes, I did have a great group of friends who were just as awkward as myself, but they couldn't make me fit in. It was up to me if I wanted to change and become the girl I had always envisioned. I needed to make myself over.
Now don't get me wrong—self improvement is great and all, but when you're in seventh grade and your goal is to look like Jordin Sparks in her No Air music video virtually overnight, you will be sorely disappointed. My hair was never straight enough, the pimples didn't magically disappear, and I literally could not see without my glasses, so needless to say I did not fulfill my wish of becoming less shy or less awkward overnight. No matter how much cheap drugstore makeup I bought, I could not erase what I thought was wrong with me.
Nobody said middle school was easy. In fact, it is a critical point in our lives whether we like to admit it or not. As as stepping stone from childhood to (almost) becoming a young adult, the years between eleven and fourteen are the ones where we need to remember the most: before the drama of high school life sets in, before college and the real world call our names, this time period was for exploration and adventure. So what if you were awkward like I was? It's made me appreciate how different I was, even though I strived to be like the popular girls.
Being awkward at that time seemed like it would never end, and there is a piece of me that still feels like the middle schooler with the low self esteem. Even through high school I wanted to make that voice heard. However, I have come to realize that the older I get the quieter that voice becomes—that the flaws of my past make me who I am today. So for all the other girls out there who struggled just as much as I did with wanting to fit in, let bygones be bygones. Be proud of who you are and how far you have come.
