Anxiety is Existential
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Anxiety is Existential

And Yes, I Live Through it Everyday

Anxiety is Existential
Sophia Morin

I've lived with anxiety for the past two years and more intensely these past few months. No I am not any different than you or any lesser than you, I'm just juggling an extra weight in my life. I am a victim of anxiety, extreme pain, and constant thoughts that I cannot bury. This is real people, I am living proof along with thousands of others.

I live in constant fear everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about whats wrong with me, and its the most terrible feeling. I go throughout my day wondering whats going to be next... Lower belly pain, a weird bump, a massive headache, spotting, and everything in between. I can't even start to explain how frustrating it is to always think there's something wrong with you, and how you're going to manage it.

I can't go through my day feeling comfortable. I always fear that someone's talking about me, or doesn't like me for some reason. I am never comfortable unless I'm surrounded by people I'm comfortable with. Getting through class is extremely hard, focusing on school work with thoughts in your head is almost impossible, and coping with the idea that this will never stop until I sleep is exhausting.

Yes I'm on medication but don't judge me. More than 1 in 5 people take anti-anxiety medication, it's practically normal. I recently was put on medication to secure my thoughts, and as it won't kick in for a few more weeks, I'm praying for a miracle. I can't tell you how relieved I will be when I no longer have to worry about my health or have panic attacks in the middle of class. With that being said, anxiety really never goes away in a person. Yes with help of medication and therapy I can suppress these feelings, but they will never truly go away.

I go to therapy and need constant reassurance. I'm a firm believer that everyone should have a therapist for life's ups and downs, but most importantly for reassurance. I go to therapy almost every week for constant reassurance and I'm proud to say it helps. I feel better talking my anxiety out or crying it out whenever I can, and I'm not ashamed.

I cry a lot, but I promise I'm ok. Most of the time I cry my emotions out, or get so frustrated that I cry them out, but I will be ok. I try to keep my mind off of everything as much as possible but when I'm alone, it's really hard to do that. I try to occupy my time by watching shows, studying, coloring, or the most important to me: being with my friends.

I owe my friends an enormous thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you so much to new friends and old for always loving me for who I am, and not dropping me because of my anxiety. I know its a lot sometimes for you to handle, especially when I freak out over and over again about the same thing. I owe you the world for always sticking by my side through hell. Please know it means more to me than I sometimes express. I love that you have the ability to pick me up off the floor and comfort me until I'm ok. I appreciate the small gestures and the large ones. Keeping me somewhat sane is exactly what I need.

To those going through the same anxiety as me, please remember that we're in this together. Breathe often, smile more, and surround yourself with the most kind-hearted group of friends that try to understand it as much as possible. There is hope for the future and I'm trying to find it as well.



Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments