Katie Way, a reporter for Babe, was approached by a photographer from Brooklyn, who is being called Grace to hide her identity. Way listened to Grace tell her about her date with Aziz Ansari, a 34 year-old Indian-American comedian and actor. Grace claimed that she went on a date with Ansari, which started out great but it turned awful later on when she went to his apartment. She ended up leaving in an Uber, which Ansari called, crying and feeling violated.
This has been all over the news and has people talking about it in relation to the #MeToo and #Time’sUp movements. Also, a lot of high profile men have been outed for sexual misconduct, alleged rape, sexual harassment and molestation. Ansari being in the light for this type of publicity was pretty surprising because he is this goofy, sweet-looking man who makes people laugh, but apparently he is just a typical horny man.
“I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life”
Grace claims that Ansari jumped on her when they walked into his apartment. He was ready to have sex with her, which she told him “Whoa, let’s relax for a sec, let’s chill." This basically kept happening until he called an Uber for her. The actual sex did not occur, but kissing, touching private parts, oral sex did. Grace was uncomfortable with what was happening. The question that popped into my head why did she not leave the first time she felt discomfort? Maybe she was scared of being in the presence of a celebrity, so she thought if she left, maybe he would be offended. She continued to stay in his apartment telling him verbally and non-verbally about her being uncomfortable. Ansari did acknowledge her distress, so he backed off. But, after a few minutes, he told her to go down on him. She did because she was pressured, which she claimed. Basically, she went along with everything because she felt pressured.
According to Grace’s narrative, Ansari came off as this man who is entitled to sex and cannot comprehend the definition of uncomfortable. He released a statement claiming that he felt everything was consensual, and he was surprised when he heard that she did not feel the same. Also, texted her privately as well.
Personally, I feel both parties are at fault due to lack of communication. Grace was starstruck and wanted the attention of a celebrity. Grace stated that she told him that she felt uncomfortable but he did not listen to her. So, their date that continued into Ansari’s apartment was basically them misinterpreting each other’s actions. So, it was obvious that the date would end terribly. Ansari took Grace’s presence in his apartment as a sign to try to seduce her and eventually have sex with her. It is often interpreted as when a person you go on a date with agrees to come into your apartment, it’s a sign to engage in some sexual activity.
The problem with Ansari is that he is raised in our society to feel he is entitled to sex. A girl who agrees to go on a date with him and comes up to his place must want sex. They ignore what the girl is saying or think that she is being shy so they attempt to seduce her and lighten her up. What I don’t understand is why men do not understand a woman’s discomfort to his sexual advances? Why they think they are just being shy or want the guy to chase her? She may simply feel uncomfortable! This is what happened between Grace and Ansari. Also, in his statement, Ansari did not apologize for his behavior, even after finding out that Grace had an awful time at his apartment.
After, Babe released Grace’s narrative, a lot of people chose sides. Some claimed Grace simply chose to come out to get publicity and fame. Others claimed that Ansari was a horny teenager who was eager to get into Grace’s pants, which led to a discussion about men in our society on how they perceive women in relation to sex. The thing I will say is that if Grace felt uneasy, she should have made things clear to begin with. I am no way siding with Ansari or Grace but looking at the facts and making an opinion after hearing both parties. She did give hints but one cannot be expected to read people’s minds. She should have said “ I don’t feel ok with this and please stop!” and had left his apartment. Ansari should have been aware of his date’s feelings and body language. They sucked at communicating with each other, to put it simply.
