My heart aches. I'm confused and angry and heartbroken. I am weighed down by pain, by sorrow, by concentrated and complicated and incomprehensible emotion.

I find myself waiting, waiting for time to stop. For someone to press pause, to object, to go back, to intercede. I long for a hero, a champion to emerge, to take charge and step up and reverse what's been done.

I've walked and talked and functioned with an emptiness in my heart, with a crushing weight on my shoulders. And I've thought and searched and grasped for a way to cope, for a way to express myself, for a strand of hope I can hold onto. I've debated about how to respond, how to adequately articulate what I'm feeling and thinking. I've considered letting myself unravel, spewing words of frustration and confusion and disappointment. But such a response has yet to feel right. I want to respond differently. I want to respond in a way that encourages me, that gives me some peace. I've decided that the best way to do that is to put into words all of the things that I'm thankful for - and there are many. Amidst all of this excruciating pain and sadness and heartbreak, there are still things in my life that are deserving of loving recognition, of appreciation and reverence.

And so I'm thankful

For the sun that rises and shines its warm light and reminds me that I am still alive, that my heart is still beating

For my voice, for my ability to speak up and speak out and express myself

For diversity, for the beauty and wonder of difference

For the sky and trees and flowers that remind me of God's vast and incomprehensible creativity

For emotions, for sadness and pain and empathy and joy and all of the feelings that remind me I have a heart

For human interaction

For faith

For compassion and happiness and love

For tears

For laughter

For the comfort that comes with the knowledge that I am Christ's beloved and cherished daughter, that God's love for me exceeds anything and everything else, and that I am forever valued and pursued and treasured.