Dear younger self,
It's me. Good news: you've made it. If that's not enough motivation, I'm here to give you a little boost.
For the love of God, stop worrying about everything and everyone so much. You practically give yourself anxiety with your over thinking. Unfortunately, your addictive, panic-prone personality will never go away. However, you learn how to better control your own feelings. You will figure out how to funnel your compulsion into positive production. You will figure out which people are worth worrying over. You will discover, most importantly, that while everyone else is super important to you, your own needs must be met too. Taking care of others is nice, but make sure to set aside time to do some personal self-reflection. If you don't love yourself, no one else will. You will discover balance.
What if I told you that in five years, you will be only two semesters out from graduating with a bachelor's degree in English? That's what you've wanted to do since eighth grade, right? It's a goal you've finally accomplished. Would you believe me if I told you you will be averaging a 3.8 cumulative GPA (and a 4.0 in your major)? I know in high school you are struggling to keep your 3.5 average, but don't worry - your work ethic will get much better in college. You'll be just fine. What if I told you that your writing has been published, not just once but several times? One of your favorite short stories got published in a national newsletter, and your smaller journalism stories get published every week. I know you have always been worried about productivity, but don't worry - you will churn out decent material every week. Friends and family are proud of you. You will discover success and a source of pride. You will also, once again, discover your love of writing.
You may not understand this now, but the ending of your first relationship is not the most painful experience you will ever have. Your first love is also not indicative of your future love experiences. At this point I know you feel unbearably rejected and unlovable. You're a hopeless romantic and you see the best in everyone, even those who may not deserve it. I still understand feeling that way. As you age your tendency toward romanticism will drift into a more realistic image of love, bordering on cynicism. That's okay too, because you've been through a lot. However, just know that waiting will be well-worth your time. Patience is not your best trait, but keep on trying to be patient, because it will pay off. Love will find you in the most unexpected of places, and you will not have the love-at-first-sight experience. You will hesitantly, slowly, but steadily, fall into something akin to friendship on fire. It will be the best relationship of your life. You will discover a fulfilling love.
Most importantly, though, know that your life will turn out better than you ever could have expected. You will come to look on all the past experiences with affection, because they are the reason you are the person you will become.
I know you're so close to giving up, but [spoiler alert] you won't. I'm proud of you. Everyone is proud of you.
Sincerely,
Your older, much wiser self
