My dearest Uber drivers,
You are a breed of your own. You're some of the only people who are there for me and my fellow college students through thick and thin. No matter what the day, time, weather or place may be, you somehow always manage to come through for me. When no friend, school shuttle, parent or other vehicle is around, that little pin on my screen gives me hope.
It has happened more than once that you've saved a night that was seemingly doomed. Whether I was alone or surrounded by friends, you've gotten me/us where we needed to go. You've rid us of the dreaded shuttle ride back to campus at the end of the night and gotten us back safely without encountering a single shuttle stop. Your backseat is my safe haven.
Gone are the days of designated drivers. Never again will stupid, drunk college kids feel stranded after their D.D. becomes a Drunk Dumbass. The idea of a sober driver has completely evolved with the flocks of tiny saviors at the ready on our phone screens. Take that, drunk driving.
I must mention the elite members of this already superior group of human beings: Uber drivers who come prepared for anything. Every time an Uber driver hands their client a charger or aux cord an angel gets its wings. You automatically become a mobile DJ and your driver becomes your biggest fan. As the great Hillary Duff once boldly exclaimed, "Hey now, hey now, this is what dreams are made of."
And let us not forget the blessing that is Uber pricing. The saints that created Uber understand our financial pain and adjust their rates in attempts to lessen it. Also, the inclusion of driver tips in the automatic payment saves you the trouble of fumbling for cash as well as the pang of guilt that comes with physically paying for things.
Oh sweet Uber driver, thank you for the silent rides. After a long day of travel or a long night of excitement, those quiet rides home are heavenly. But also, thank you for the conversations. When I'm not exhausted, I enjoy speaking with my Uber driver and confirming that they too are a human being with a real life and are not a serial killer driving me to my death. Many Uber drivers I have encountered have actually been amazing listeners, and for this I am thankful.
Oh Uber drivers, how can we simpletons repay you? If not with love (and money), how? Uber users, I implore you to be kind to these immaculate gems and appreciate the great service they do for vehicle deprived students, drunken partygoers, and weary travelers. So...
...from all of us who use that glorious little app every weekend, as well as those who have taken one-time refuge in an Uber in a time of need, we sincerely thank you, Uber drivers.
Yours truly,
A College Student With No Transportation
