You don't know what it's like until you experience it. You can never put yourself in the shoes of someone who is suffering. Depression is an actual illness, that most times is a result of chemical imbalance caused by genetics, or previous trauma.

Before you begin to tell me to "just get better", understand that it is not that simple.

Depression is not anything I could just turn off or stop.

I have been clinically diagnosed with Depression and Panic Disorder for 8 years. I've sought treatment from age of only 14 years old, including hospitalization, group therapy, one on one therapy, Accelerated Resolution Therapy, and in-home supports. Through the course of those 8 years I have been called every name in the book, all throughout high school and into my early adult years. Emo, crazy, stupid, psychotic, nuts... You name it, I've been called it. What nobody seems to realize is that my way of coping with overwhelming and sometimes random thoughts, is probably much different than yours. The way things impact me is different than the way things affect you. What nobody seems to understand is that every single name is like adding fuel to the fire. You don't sit there and tell someone with a physical illness how weak and useless they are. You'd help them up, ask them what they need, and do everything to make them feel less pain. So my question is, why would anybody look down on someone with a mental illness?

What a lot of people don't know is that depression is very unpredictable. There could be no cause. Everything could be going great, but it just hits you like your car hitting a deer running across the road. You don't even see it coming. I never know when my body will just feel like shutting off. Everything will just become numb, and I won't want to do the smallest things such as move my lips to speak. Everything will irritate me, and I won't even know why. Depression is not just "being sad". It's not something where you could tell me a joke and make me laugh, and after that I won't feel it anymore. It's sometimes debilitating, however at times it's manageable.

I have come to notice that a lot of the time, depression and anxiety come hand in hand. I get depressed, I think of the reason I'm upset, dwell on it, which turns into a panic attack. I've had panic attacks that have scared me to the point I had no idea how to calm myself. The room feels like it closes in on you. The hyperventilating to the point you struggle so to catch one breath.

I know it's hard to realize when someone is working to manage their condition, because some days are complete trainwrecks, while other days are easy to get through. While it seems like I'm doing "better", it will never be gone from me. It's safe to say I am no longer in the position I was when I was younger. I have improved immensely, and I will probably always have my days where it will get the best of me, but each day is an uphill climb, where its 10 feet up, and a 1 foot fall down. I have accepted the fact that Depression has been in both sides of my family, passed down from generations, and that there really is no escape, just support, treatment, and wishful thinking.

The moral of this is, if one of your loved ones is living with or has battled with depression, don’t overlook it. Dont tell them to “get over it”. Don’t think that’s it’s just a feeling of sadness. It’s hopelessness, exhaustion, panic, a deep rut... It is far more than just sad.