When I first came out to my family, I was facing a lot of confusion head on. At the age of 13, it was a little too much for me to try to dissect the differences between my sexuality and my religion. I started seeing a Christian-based counselor at a counseling service that will remain unnamed. While I thought I was seeking the advice from someone who would help me make out the tough questions I had coursing through my head, all I got was someone who inevitably forced more confusion on me.
At the time, I thought nothing of the deceit that was going on right behind my back. After years of researching, growing more into my religion and sexuality, I have finally realized what this therapist was doing: religion-based conversion therapy. In 2015, I should not have to tell you why this is so detrimental to someone ‘coming out,’ let alone at such a young, impressionable age. While this definitely rattles me to my core that someone tried this, I learned a lot in the process. My goal is to help anyone going through something similar know: it’s okay not to have the answers right now.
My God knows no bounds for love.
What you thought, I’m sure, was helping me in education of my relationship to God, actually pushed me away. For years, I grappled with the thought of a God loving me as gay, because you thought it was wise to say: “There’s hope for Him to change you.” Here’s a message for you: the word of God is that of love and acceptance, no matter the form. Yes, this includes those of evil circumstances. No, I don’t have the answers for their actions. But, what I do know is that my God accepts all of his children equally, as he made us this way. No amount of therapy will change that.
I’m proud to say you didn’t change my view on contemporary therapy.
While it would have been a lot easier to write off everything you said as “bad therapy,” I didn’t stop with you. I sought out more therapists after leaving your office for good. I sought out those of no religion, those of Christianity (with closer beliefs to my own), and those of different religions. What I learned most from your sheltered conversion practice was that you don’t define a religion. That I do have to thank you for teaching me I shouldn’t value one person’s twisted perception of right and wrong to account for all people’s perceptions. This enabled me to get over my bias with those who still had condemnation in their hearts. In a weird sense, you being so judgmental of something you didn’t understand, helped me understand people that much more.
You are wrong. No matter what way you spin it, this is wrong.
From a religious standpoint, you shatter people’s potential view for a loving God. From a non-religious standpoint, you provide even more detrimental mental factors for those who have to listen to this brainwashing. Preaching hate, going behind your patients back, and condemning your patients reflects more on your character than on theirs’.
However, you are flawed. Just like me. Just like everyone.
A major part in my path to find religion and how it centers around my sexuality was coming to terms with your (and many other conservative Christians’) outlook. In hindsight, I do not blame you. Either you are overcompensating for your own insecurities, or you truly are afraid of what you do not understand. That is okay. It isn’t okay for you to push that on your patients, but it does make a lot more sense as to why you did.
Finally, I forgive you.
That’s right; after all the pain and confusion your therapy put me through, I have come to forgive you. In that, I hope you come to forgive what you don’t understand. I hope you come to accept those you don’t understand. I hope you come closer to your own definition of “understanding,” whatever that may be.
Ultimately, [and this goes for everyone reading this] I hope you come to an understanding that allows you not to hinder all those you encounter based on any qualities of their life.
