Dear Forever Wanderer,
I know it get hard sometimes. I know you're forever looking for that someplace that you belong and you just can't seem to find it. Maybe it'll be next week after you've turned in that paper you've been putting off writing. Maybe you'll be happy after you graduate and move on from this town that's been home for the past 4 years. Or maybe it'll be never.
I'm here to tell you that being someone who is constantly struggling to find the place where they belong is a curse. But it's also a really really amazing blessing. Don't believe me? That's okay. A lot of the time I don't believe myself either. But I've learned that being like this, constantly searching for your place can be a really great thing.
Part of having these feelings is knowing that you will constantly push yourself to be the best that you can be. No matter how many times you are discouraged or disappointed, you will continue to persevere because that's all you truly know.
You're also amazing because you know how to be by yourself and actually be okay with that. That is rare and beautiful gift. Some people go their entire lives without knowing how that feels and you see it as normal.
There's also the negative side to it as well. Most of the time, you wonder if you are actually fitting in, even when you're surrounded by people who know you or who are your friends. You're never really sure if someone is talking to you out of obligation or interest. You feel bad about having no where to go on those occasional free Friday nights but secretly like spending alone time watching "Grey's Anatomy" or "House of Cards" or whatever your own private Netflix addiction is. Or if you are invited somewhere, you wonder if it'll actually be worth it to leave the comfort of your own home.
You're a person who is forever going to be searching for the next place that is better than where you are now. Maybe it's 50 miles away in the next biggest town in the county, maybe it's across the country. Maybe it's in Ireland or South Africa or Peru. You'll never know until you have the opportunity to explore those place.
Once, an incredibly influential person in my life told me that I was never going to find the place where I thought I'd be happiest. I took offense to this at first, pushing him to tell me why he thought so. He told me that I had a wandering heart and that maybe I'd find it someday, but probably not. I was a little bit sad and a lot a bit confused. I didn't understand why he didn't think that I was happy.
But I understand what he meant now. It simply means that I will constantly be looking forward. That doesn't mean I don't focus on the now because I definitely can. It simply means that I'm always looking for the best possible place to be is, the place where I can be the absolute best version of myself and achieve the highest ideals of humanity. I don't think that's a bad thing.
So you might get discouraged. You might be happy and still feel that wandering itch every now and again. Regardless, know that you are capable of so much. All you have to do is step outside of your door and don't be discouraged by what anyone tells you. Only you know and understand your own heart.
You've got this.
Sincerely,
A Forever Wandering Friend
