An Open Letter To The Person I Lost To Suicide
Start writing a post
Relationships

An Open Letter To The Person I Lost To Suicide

"I ask God questions and wonder why the hell that you're not here." -Issues

11148
An Open Letter To The Person I Lost To Suicide
Alison Marie

To the person I lost,

I miss you every day. It’s so hard knowing I’ll never talk to you again. I won’t get a call on my birthday; I won’t get to see you on holidays. I don’t know why you didn’t ask for help. I try not to blame myself because truth be told, I wasn’t the problem; but it’s hard to not feel that way.

I’m plagued by “what ifs?” What if I would’ve tried harder? What if I would’ve seen you more? I’m always thinking about the last time we spoke and I wish I would’ve known. I would’ve said some very different things. When I think about how pained you were, my heart feels almost unbearably heavy. I know we didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but I hope you know how much I did, and still do, care for you. You were so loved and I’m not the only one who misses you. Everyone else who was in your life is devastated too.

Sometimes I get angry because how dare you leave me, your family, and friends. But I don’t blame you for your decision. I know it’s not your fault. Your problems got the best of you and I understand you felt like there was no other option. I wish people wouldn’t see suicide as the “the easy way out.” I know nothing about your decision was easy. I’m sorry I was so wrapped up in my own life that I didn’t see the signs. The only silver lining in this is knowing you aren’t struggling anymore.

I know I’m still grieving but I’m scared the pain I feel will never stop. It’s only been a few months and I’m trying to come to terms with you being gone. But I’m scared of when those months turn into years. You won’t be there so see me grow and the things I accomplish. What if someday I forget about how your voice sounds, the way you smell, and how your keys jingled? I never want to let go of all of who you were, the good and the bad. You had such an impact on my life; you were special to me.

Losing you has changed me. Everything got put into perspective. I know now that the things I thought were important aren’t. I’ve learned who’s there for me, and who never was. And most importantly, I value the people around me so much more. Since your death, I started looking both ways before crossing the street because I never want the people in my life to feel how I do.

Days will go by without a breakdown but then I’ll see something that reminds me of you and I’ll lose it. Sometimes I dream about you. Sometimes I pick up the phone to tell you about good news in my life and I forget you won’t answer. People always ask me how I’m doing and I don’t know what else to do but shrug. People may think I’m crazy, but sometimes I think I can still feel you around.

There will never be a day I don’t think about you.

With love,
The person who is missing you

National Suicide Prevention
Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

933272
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

109480
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses
Pinterest

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

55507
​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments