They say it in shock with the start of each school year and in disbelief after each major life event. I've heard it from the lips of significant others and the tears of a best friend. I've even spoken it myself as I tried to grapple with the end of a relationship with a person I thought I knew so well but somehow just didn't recognize anymore.

"You've changed."

But how did "you've changed" come to be such a bad thing?

When did it turn into this ultimate heartbreak? And why do you avoid it, demonize it, look down on me for letting it happen? As if time can't go on, and I can't learn more about myself.

Two years ago I was still trying to claim a religion, a sexuality, a steady career vision. What I told you about those things two years ago may have zero relevance to how I feel about them now. Two years is a long time, and I have allowed my lived experiences in that time to inform my understanding of myself and the world around me. The only way not to change would be to close my heart and ignore the things I am learning.

But how much better are those that remain open as they are exposed to new perspectives throughout their lives?

Truth is, two years ago I was not witnessing my life honestly. I had disconnected from my own intuition and trusted whatever messages were given to me externally. Since then I have learned to trust myself, and as a result, my beliefs, ideologies –– hell, even my identity –– may appear radically different than those which I presented to you just two years ago.

Yes, I have changed. Do you hear what I am saying? I have learned to trust myself. That is something that should be celebrated, but no, you don't celebrate my change. You pathologize it because you're scared of it and the way it shakes up the old reality you were comfortable with.

But let's get one thing straight: I am not going to let anyone look down on me because of my growth.

I promise you that I will stay just like this: continually evolving. I will allow myself to transform, letting go of past selves in order to keep stepping closer to who I am meant to be. The way I see it, I have not changed at all. I have merely peeled back and uncovered another layer of who I truly am in order to become more of myself.

Just like Shrek, I am a mother-fucking metaphorical onion. And if you want to be in my life, then you're going to have to get comfortable with that fact.

I get it, my change affects you, and that can be hard.

It may mean that we feel distant, disconnected at times, or that the borders of our relationship must shift to accommodate this new change. It may feel like you had no say, which I bet is frustrating. I want to recognize that and validate how you feel, but I hope you understand that I refuse to apologize.

I have learned to recognize what I need in this particular season of my life, and I am not afraid to change my wants and needs as I leave and enter new seasons. When I go through a change, it is not always possible to go back to the way things were.

But why should we want to? Instead, why don't we learn to grow together? What's waiting ahead is much better than holding on to where we've been.

Did you know that research shows that personalities change minutely every six months? That means that over the course of a year, two years, five years, twenty-five years... people change quite a bit, whether they want to or not. If we want to be lifelong friends then the reality is we are going to have to learn how to cope with that change.

We are going to have to learn how to get to know each other over and over again, how to fall in love with every single one of each other's revolutions, how to try to start over each time one of us changes instead of resorting to drifting apart.

Change is inevitable.

And you can either get on board with that and accept what is, or you can let yourself suffer by attaching to what was. You bet I've changed, and I hope you do, too. I promise to encourage you and celebrate you and love you through each and every glorious revolution of yourself, so please do the same for me.