To the guy who abused me emotionally and physically,

In the beginning, you were a charmer. Between the sweet goodnight and good morning texts, and surprise gifts on my doorstep, it was as if you were too good to be true. I soon learned that, in fact, you were.

Six months into our relationship, I found out you had cheated on me months before. You promised me that it was a huge mistake and that it would never happen again. You swore that I was the only girl for you and the most perfect thing that you could have. You charmed me yet again. And so I stayed.

Two years later, it was as if our relationship was dead. By then, you had called me every horrible name in the book. You would constantly call me ugly, fat, and tell me I wasn't good enough. Each stabbing insult was another scar on my heart. You were always putting other girls before me, and I was constantly comparing myself to them. You always found a way to ruin something that was good for me. I spent countless nights crying, wondering where I went wrong, blaming myself for every wrong thing you would do to me. You began to break down my self-esteem, little by little, piece by piece. Any sane person would’ve left, but I didn’t know how. Because we had been together since the beginning of high school, I didn’t know how to be myself without you. And so I stayed. Then it got worse.

I remember the look of complete rage and hatred on your face as you threw me up against the side of your condo, repeatedly throwing me back against the wall as you choked me out. I remember you yelling, asking me questions, and expecting an answer as I was just struggling to breath. I remember the helpless feeling that overtook me. I remember feeling like an inanimate object without a say in the world, and felt the weight of almost three years of emotional abuse. I remember the smile that came across your face after you let me go, and your next-door neighbor came outside complaining of a loud banging on his wall, saying the sound resembled the sound of moving furniture. The sound was just me being beaten by the man I thought I loved. I remember you forcibly pulling me to my car, yelling at me to leave.

Afterwards when you reached out to me, you told me it was my fault, and that you weren’t going to apologize. You told me that you meant to cancel our plans, that I shouldn’t have been at your house. You put all the blame on me. So I continued to blame myself. I mean, I did go to your house and I did slap you in the face first after your negative words finally got the best of me. It had to have been my fault, right?

You’re the reason I went to prom with large bruises on my neck that some had mistaken as hickeys and scoffed at. You’re the reason I spent many years without any confidence or self-worth. You’re the reason I am still terrified when someone begins to raise their voice at me. You’re the reason I can relate to almost any Taylor Swift song. You’re the person I wasted three-fourths of my high school career crying over. But I am done with that.

I am done letting the words you’ve said to me affect my self-confidence. I am done being sad over what you did to me, I am done crying. I am done waiting for the day you realize just how horrible of a person you were to me. I am done being silent because if I continue to live that way, it would mean that you’d won and you sure as hell don’t deserve that. I will not let you continue to take away any more years from me. And I don’t care for a sorry, anymore, either.

Sincerely,

The girl who is finally over you.