Dear Mister Not Quite Right:

You and I were the furthest thing from the epitome, the pinnacle, or the jewel in the crown of a glorious, novel-like romance. But wow, the madness, the passion, and even the disaster of it all, was somehow enticing.

Every morning, I woke up and chose you. Every night, I fell asleep choosing you. It never even occurred to me to wonder: did you do the same?

While there may have been some beauty in the dysfunction, some happy moments that stuck to me like glue, a little part of me was damaged each and every time I was not chosen. Each and every time your actions told me I was not good enough or worthy enough, a bit more of me crumbled. Layer by layer, I shed my being, my energy, and my light; finally wearing thin down to the core.

While we didn’t move many mountains and the odds always seemed to be against us, I tried my hardest to give you the sun, the moon, and the stars. I invested a large part of who I was (and an immense amount of time) in you.

Could you say you did the same?

“Where did I go wrong?” It is a question that pivots endlessly in my mind, even today. Did I do something, say something? What could I have done differently? Could I have tried harder?

The reality of it all was that at some point, for you, I became the question rather than the answer. You questioned my worth. You questioned my commitment. You questioned the value of not only me, but our relationship as well.

The lessons you have taught me came at a price, but they were worth it. I have no regrets when it comes to you. But I hope that you do have regrets. I hope that one day you regret making me cry. I hope that one day you regret pulling on my shirt and drawing me back in, every time I tried to leave. I hope that one day you realize what you ultimately did lose, but just in case you don’t…

You lost a best friend. You lost someone who would have gone to the ends of the earth to pick up dirt, if dirt was what you needed. You lost someone who cared about you and your future more than you did. You lost a teammate, who constantly rooted for you and your success. You lost someone who was really, really great to and for you.

While I do hope you have regrets, I also hope that you find happiness. Happiness comes from within and that was something that you lacked. I whole-heartedly believe that most of the reason I was treated so poorly was lack of self-love, self-fulfillment, and inner happiness. You didn’t love yourself enough to love me.

I can’t carry on a relationship by myself. Nobody can. Both people have to be equally committed to it. And that should never be something that I need to talk someone else into doing.

I couldn’t carry the weight of the relationship on my shoulders and have you expect me to still be standing. In the end, it’s just going to break me. And I carried ALL the weight for us; for both ends.

I was so blinded by the vision of the life we could’ve had, that I failed to recognize how careless you were with my heart and how unappreciative you were about everything that I did for you.

I really do wish you happiness and a lifetime of love. I hope that one day your heart is as full as mine was whenever I was with you and I hope you find that appreciation of yourself and all that you are worth. While we may not have worked out, and you know how badly I wish we did, you are still a person with so much potential. Use it.

Sincerely,