Grief is the worst obstacle of life.

The constant pressure in my chest that strangles me on my latest of nights. The days of sadness that have turned into years of sadness. The smell of grief that stings my eyes. The rage in my blood because others can move on so effortlessly. The help I would like, but the fact that I simply cannot receive the best help because the only person that can help you get past this is yourself.

I am Disgusted with myself for having a million reasons to be genuinely happy, I am hating myself for not just moving on. I am suffocating myself with the thought of what could be if my person didn’t have to cease to exist in my life.

Sometimes my entire body aches just longing for you. I suffer in the sickness of my body from having an empty spot in my life.

Sometimes I beg for God to get me out of this constant battle of a cycle longing for you, but I don’t want to ever forget the 24 hours a day 7 days a week love that you gave to me. The comfort that I had whenever you were breathing. The image in my mind of you lying in your casket strangely both comforts me and haunts me. I’d like to sleep it off or vomit to feel relief.

Relief from grief sounds so lovely, but the thing about true love is that you are never relieved. So right now I will remember that the price of love is grief and that is okay.

I love you Nana.

Love,

Your girl