An Open Letter To My Friends Trying To Help Me Mourn The Death Of A Loved One
Lifestyle

An Open Letter To My Friends Trying To Help Me Mourn The Death Of A Loved One

After a loss, we need the support of our friends more than ever.

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Dear Friends,

I lost someone I loved very much recently. This person meant more than the world to me. I am so happy I had you as my support system right when it happened, but now I need your support more than ever.

It's been three months since I lost my loved one, so you probably think I am over it. I'm not. I still cry all the time. Now that the funeral is over, things are even harder. Reality has set in. I need to figure out how to live without this person. I need to learn that when I call her house, she won't answer the phone. Or that when I want to visit her, I need to drive to the cemetery not her home.

Small things trigger my emotions. Sometimes you see my eyes watering and you tell me everything is going to be OK. I wish it were OK, but it's not. I'm not OK knowing that I will never see my loved one again. I'm not OK knowing that the only thing left of my loved one are in my memory and pictures. I'm even more sad knowing that with every passing day, this person is farther away from me. I live in fear now that soon my memories of this person will fade away.

I understand it may be uncomfortable for you when I randomly start crying or I sit there in silence. You want to know how I'm still sad after all this time.

When I do start randomly crying, you don't have to say you're sorry. I know you feel bad that I'm upset and saying sorry is what we are taught to say in these situations. Instead of saying you're sorry, ask me questions. Ask me what triggered my sadness. All I want to do is talk about my loved one. Ask me some of my favorite memories with this person. I guarantee this will make me crack a smile. Give me a hug. Sometimes a hug is better than saying anything at all.

I wish you would send me support even when I'm not physically next to you. The holidays are especially hard. Without this person sitting at the table, there's a void in the room. I wish you would send me a note or simple text message saying you are thinking of me. That's all I need to get through this.

There is fear associated with the death of a loved one. It's the fear of who is going to leave me next? People tend to walk around ignoring death up until someone you love dies. Then you realize that another person you love is eventually going to die too. You wonder who it's going to be and you can't imagine going through this pain again. I carry a heavy weight on my shoulders constantly worrying about death and the people I care about most. Will it be another family member? Will it be a friend? Will it be you? The fear of the unknown scares me.

My dear friend, you can't solve my problems for me. I just need to know I have your support. I need to know that you'll be there for me when I need to breakdown. Even when I'm not openly breaking down, sometimes I'm thinking too much and need a distraction. I don't need you to be my therapist and try to figure out what's going on in my head. There's nothing going on in my head other than I'm mourning and I'm sad. I simply need you to be my friend.

Sincerely,

Me

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