Mr. Pickles,
Putting you down was the worst thing I've ever had to do. I'm so sorry that you had to suffer for so long, but you lived a good and long life.
Growing up with you was an amazing experience. From the moment I picked you out of the litter and named you after "The Rugrats" I watched you go from a puppy to a full grown, but still small, Miniature Dachshund in a matter of months. I, on the other hand, was still a 5-year-old child. When I started school my mom and dad would always ask you where the bus was and you would bark, and bark, and bark to make sure I knew the bus was coming. You always looked out for me, and I always knew I could count on you.
But, somehow things changed. I don't know when they happened or why, but as I got old enough to drive, and graduate high school you just grew old. I was just starting to see the world and your world was turning dark.
I hated to watch as your hair turned from black to gray and your eyes became clouded and your vision went away. Eventually, you couldn't see at all. Then your hearing started going away too, and before long you couldn't see or hear us. You didn't know where you were anymore. Somehow my life continued to go on like nothing was different.
I was away at college. Living my life. It was my junior year. You were 16-and-a-half years old. My mom watched you suffer for so long until she finally decided it was time. We couldn't let you suffer anymore. I was seven days into my Christmas break and the day came.
December 17, 2014
We woke up and had plans for the day. Before we could get to those we knew we had to at least go get your shots updated. I held you the whole way. You were so sad just like you had been for a long time. I think you knew, too. We were finally called back, and the doctor checked you out. We told him our concerns, and he said that we know best. We made the decision to let you go because we knew you had suffered for so long. The doctor gave you a muscle relaxer, and I held you as your body went limp. I could still feel you breathing, but it was almost as if you were already gone. A few minutes later I held you as you took your last breath and a piece of my heart.
It has been one year, one month, and two weeks since you left us, and nothing has gotten easier. I still miss you just as much as that first moment you were gone. I know nothing can fill the space in my heart that you took with you. I know that you are able to run and play with all the other dogs in heaven now. I love you, baby. Always have. Always will.
"If my love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."
1998-2014
