Being half Korean is literally the greatest adventure, ever. It's taught me so much about a culture that is beyond the boundaries of Oklahoma. The Asian culture makes me understand that the world is painted in all different colors. Colors that inspire, grow and change you. It makes you learn about what equality is, and what it means to be brave. It teaches you what it means to be strong. It teaches you what it means to be you.
To my Asian culture,
There are a lot of things I want to say, but before I do, I need to confess something to you.
I was really embarrassed by you growing up.
I still remember cringing at my lunch box at school, because I didn’t know what Asian snacks had been put in the containers. I hated that I smelt like fish and rice everyday. I always dreaded the mornings that my mom would dress me because your style is different than mainstream America’s.
You were the reason I was the butt of so many jokes,
“How much dog did you eat last night?”
“You can use a fork? I thought Asians could only use chopsticks”
“You’re really not good at math? But you’re Asian!”
When people started writing “Have a good summer, chink” in my yearbook instead of the cliché “See u next school year” I knew I was fed up with you. When my name became “that Asian girl”, I knew I was really embarrassed by you.
So I decided to ignore you.
I ignored you because I didn’t know how to handle you. All your smells, and all your quirks, and all your foods just overwhelmed me.
You overwhelmed me.
I ignored you because you made me uncomfortable. You made me hate my yellow skin and my eyes. You made me hate that I wasn’t good at math, or that I didn’t want to be a doctor. I hated that people identified me as you.
But you see, I was wrong.
I was so mad because I wanted people to see that you and I were different. I wanted them to see that we were separate. What I didn’t realize was that we are the same. I didn’t realize that you and I made a whole. Your stitches are the make-up of who I am. To deny you is to deny me.
All of these things make me want to say I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that I denied you for so long. I’m sorry that I would try to force my eyes open in pictures so they would look bigger. I’m sorry that I hid the fact that I liked k-pop. I’m sorry that I didn’t want to learn the piano because I didn’t want to fit into the Asian stereotype. For so many years I wasn’t fighting you, I was fighting myself.
So thank you.
My almond shaped eyes allow me to see the world in a different perspective. You give me pride every time I go to a Chinese restaurant, and get to teach my friends how to use chopsticks. You teach me to see past the look of food and just enjoy it. The fabric of the Asian culture teaches me that I am smart enough to be anything I want to be. You give me a passion for equality because we are a culture that is forgotten. Because of you, I know how to jam out to a k-pop song, while also knowing how to rap Kendrick Lamar flawlessly. You teach me that I am not bound by any stigma; I am free to be me. If being Asian means that I can play a classical instrument, eat weird foods, and know the quality of good rice, then yeah, I am Asian.
But you better believe I’m proud of it.
So thank you for teaching me how to love myself.
Sincerely,
Me
