Dear you,

I just cannot seem to shake you. You tell me things that scare me and when I tell others, they do not understand.

They don't understand why I would be scared every time I step into a movie theatre, but do not avoid going because I love the movies so much.

They do not understand why when I have to much to do, I shut down.

They do not understand why I cannot trust people.

You make it hard for them to understand. Quite frankly, you make it hard for me to understand.

I try to break up with you, but you keep coming back. It may be because when I feel you coming, I try to shut down in hopes that you would leave me alone, but that makes you grow stronger. You creep in my head ready to help me feel stupid in ways that I never understand.

I am writing to you today to let you know I understand you will always be here, but you are no longer allowed to rule my life.

I am taking my life back.

God has conquered you long before you arrived, and I need to understand that.

I will no longer believe that I am not worthy of the love people want to give me.

I will no longer believe that my life is unknown and that I have no idea what is ahead for me. Although I may not know, I do know that it has already been laid out for me and I just have to trust that I will get where I need to go.

My life is not yours. I am not a vessel for you to live through. I am a strong, independent, creative, outgoing women and you cannot hold me back from my calling any longer.

I hold on to the time that you lived dormant inside my brain when I ran free and lived my life the way I thought I needed. Then, as my need for self-approval raised, so did you. I thought that if I did not accomplish something I was just a failure, and there was no need to try anymore. Then, when I wouldn't try, I hated myself even more.

You kept that hate alive.

Today, I am killing it.

I love who I am and who I am becoming. I find it okay now if I don't have things accomplished by a certain time. I find it okay that I believe I will be something even if I make a C in that one class. I find it okay that life doesn't always work out as planned.

I thank you though, for those not fun at all times, but for teaching me how fragile and vulnerable I am. It truly humbled me. However, I am strong enough to walk away. I am strong enough to not let you overcome me, again.

I understand you will never fully go away. I just hope you understand, it is time for your life-long hibernation.

Your unwanted vessel,

Bryce