Dear 2016,

We're less than a week in and to say that this hasn't gone as I would have expected would be an understatement. Less than a week in and almost every resolution I attempted to make has already gone up in flames, but surprisingly enough, that's OK. Things might not be going how I expected so far, and maybe this isn't exactly the start that I wanted to get to my year, but that doesn't mean it has to define us, right? Maybe I won't stick to my resolutions (I don't even know why I still bother making them at this point), but as long as I make something of you, that's what matters. It doesn't matter if I'm in the gym every single day or if I really do manage to wear my heart on my sleeve a little less as long as long as I make this year a year that I'm proud of.

2015 was a hell of a year. If someone had told me that my 2015 was going to go the way that it did last January, I would have laughed in their face. I've changed so much as a person, in some ways for the better and in some ways, for the worse, but I'm working on that. I've made decisions that I never really thought that I would, again some for the better and some for the worse, and maybe I'm still trying to deal with some of those, but that's OK, because I'm only human and no one in this world is perfect. In 2015, I loved and I broke hearts. In 2015, I won and I lost. In 2015, I grew and I shrunk. In 2015, everything changed, but isn't that the way things are meant to be? Nothing's going to stay the same forever, no matter how much you want to cling to that, and that's a lesson I've started to learn all too well, and that's OK.

Do I wish 2016 had gotten off to a better start? Of course I do, but that doesn't change the fact that there's still over 360 days left in this year to make 2016 better than my 2015. That's over 360 days to make the best of, over 360 days worth of memories to be made. Is every day going to be perfect? No, because that's just not realistic, and truthfully, I don't want to live in a life like I'm in some sort of fairytale movie. I want something real, no matter how much it might break my heart sometimes, because that's what I need right now. Does it scare the hell out of me? Of course, it does. But, that's exactly what growing up does to someone. It's not all fun and games, it's not all butterflies, rainbows, and sunshine, but it's not supposed to be. If everything was perfect, you'd never grow.

So, maybe while I do wish that we'd gotten off to a better start, it's OK that we didn't, because in the less than a week that 2016 has been a tangible moment in time, I've learned more than I've anticipated. I've already learned the decisions that I need to make and the ones that I really don't. I've already learned some of what's worth the effort and some of what's just better off being let go of. None of them are going to be easy decisions to make, but they're also the decisions I need to learn how to make. If I want to be the person that I someday hope to be able to be, the best version of myself that I can be, it starts with taking that first step now.

2016 might end up being a series of baby steps, taking everything one day at a time instead of diving head first into it all. Or maybe it might end up something a little more akin to cliff diving. I don't know yet, and for once, not having all the answers doesn't scare me. Instead, this time around, it's exciting. It's something new and it's something different and it's a blank slate. I know the "new year, new me" is a total cliche that people don't really follow through on, and I'm not quite saying that it works that way, but it's a year that you can make of it how you choose. You don't have to let it follow the same path that 2015 did.

So, no matter what has happened this year already and what continues to happen, I'm going to make the best of you, 2016. I'm going to take advantage of every opportunity that I've been given, and I'm going to stop making excuses for myself, for others, and for the things in life that excuses truly don't need to be made for. If nothing else, I'm going to do everything I can to hold myself to this, to everything that I've written thus far. I want 2016 to be a better year, and I want to be able to hold myself accountable for that. I can't rely on anyone else to do it for me, after all, so what better time to start than the present?

Ever yours,

Serenity