In the past three months, the Duggars haven’t caught much of a break. Let’s face it: it’s not like they deserve one. In May, In Touch magazine posted some of the details behind Josh Duggar’s 2002-2003 molestation scandal, where it was revealed that Josh molested several young girls, at least two of which were his sisters. Josh resigned from his position as Executive Director at the Family Research Council, TLC pulled 19 Kids and Counting, and the empire-sized family began to fall off their high horses.

A couple weeks ago, hackers infiltrated the Ashley Madison website, and revealed that Josh Duggar had two separate paid accounts (that totaled over $900) linked to his grandmother’s home in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and his past home in Oxen Hill, Maryland. Josh issued an apology on his family’s website, saying things like, “I have been the biggest hypocrite ever” and admitting to both having a secret pornography addiction and cheating on his wife, Anna. Of course, the Duggars edited his apology (but not before it could be reposted in its original words online), asked people for prayer, and expect it to go away.

Unfortunately for them, it’s not likely to. A homophobic, traditional family values man who has both molested his sisters and cheated on his wife? It’s nearly too ironic to be true, but it is. Fans, critics, and even family members (specifically, Anna Duggar's brother) have been speaking their support and critique of Josh, but the Duggar family has more or less swept Anna Duggar out of the spotlight and under the rug, where women belong, right?

Anna’s job in the show is to periodically appear on screen, holding a child, cooking, cleaning, or supporting her husband at his job at a car dealership. In the light of the past two scandals, Anna is supposedly ready to, “stand behind her husband,” “absorb the blame,” and “pray a lot.” In the week immediately following this scandal, people commented, tweeted, and posted their support for Anna Duggar, hoping that she’d divorce him and settle down with a nice man who has no history of molestation or infidelity. Now, with Josh checked into long-term rehab, will Anna find her voice and place?

Of course, we also have to talk about Anna and Josh’s children, ages 5, 4, and 2, with another child who was born just several weeks ago. Are they going to grow up with a child-molester and unfaithful father as a role model? Are they going to learn from their mother to submit to an unhealthy relationship?

If we think that society is good at telling women to be submissive and inferior to their male counterparts, the Duggars bring it to a whole new level. They still live in their old-fashioned beliefs that women exist to cook, clean, and raise kids, and to turn their cheeks while their husbands are off gallivanting. Anna Duggar is caught in their web, and part of it is understanding the position she is in: her religion dictates that divorce is harmful and weakens the name of strong family values, but surely, no more harmful than staying in a dangerously controlling, oppressive, and unfaithful marriage. Anna’s job isn’t to raise children and smile while her husband garners huge amounts of bad press for his family, or, it shouldn’t be.

Maybe the better question should be: How can we present this issue so that they have a choice? How can we show Anna Duggar and women worldwide that it isn’t their job to stand behind your husband when it means sacrificing their happiness, it isn’t their job to absorb the blame for their husband’s mistakes, and it isn’t their job to be oppressed by their religion to maintain a façade of “good, traditional, family values.” So, Anna Duggar, it's up to you now. But first, remember that it isn’t your fault, you have the rights to take a stand, and you should refuse to be oppressed by the patriarchy or your religion.