To my best friend that I lost,
As I sit here wondering how to put all my thoughts into words, I know that you were an important part of my life that I will never forget. I know I will miss the FaceTime calls that would last hours (sometimes consisting of us just sitting in silence and just enjoying each others presence), talking all day everyday, and always having someone to lean on. You were my person, my other half, my family, nothing could ever tear us apart. Well so we thought.
Missing you is a hard thing to admit because I don't want to anymore. You broke our friendship. You broke me. I remember that night like it was yesterday. I remember the fight and the words that shouldn't have been said. Most of all I remember the hurt and betrayal I felt. Do you remember that day as much as me? Did you spend it crying and screaming because your heart was completely broken? Did you cry because you knew you had lost me? Was it worth it? Was it worth losing the one person who was always there for you? How could you do this? I thought we would be friends forever, travel the world, and grow old with each other at our sides.
After everything I can't ignore that fact that I'm so mad. In both definitions of the word. Some days I feel so mad and hurt I feel like I'm going crazy. Is it bad of me to hope you are hurting just as much as I am because I do. I know I should be the bigger person here but I have every right to be angry. I don't understand how you could choose to hurt me over being my friend. After four years, after everything we have been through together and you threw it away like it was nothing. For you to say and do the things you have done to me makes me wonder how I ever could have called you my best friend. I don't know who you are anymore or how we ever even got here. It happen so fast it still makes my head spin; it's like my whole world was flipped upside down in a matter of minutes and I am still suffering from the whiplash.
Although at times I may miss our friendship I can't forget about all the pain you have caused and how much anger and sadness you have brought on me. You betrayed me and you shattered my trust. Do you even understand that? Do you care that you just lost me? Is this hurting you like it's hurting me? What did I ever do to you? I don't have the answers to any of these questions and maybe I never will but that's okay, I won't stay broken. I will be okay without you. I am okay without you.
I know you will always be there if I need you and I hope you know I will be too, but this is a friendship that can't be healed. You and I both know things will never be the same. I don't hate you. As much as I have wanted to, I never could. I will forgive but I can't forget, but all in all I hope you know that you've brought me so many memories that I know I can cherish forever. I hope that eventually I can look back at them and not feel the hurt brought on from missing it. In the end I wish you love and happiness, and I hope you find someone you can someday again call your person.
