I miss you more than anyone could imagine.
My heart aches in your absence.
Although I try to imagine that you are in such a beautiful place now at the conclusion of your time here on Earth, I find myself feeling selfishly sad that you are in another universe and I am still here. We are all still here, full of love and yet pain.
I know you would not want me so upset or sad, but you were such an amazing man. Even with a smile at remembrance, there will be tears trailing down from my eyes, to my cheeks, to the corners of my lips, to my jaw, finally falling onto the ground. Ground, I will never think of the word the same, that is where your ashes are now: where your human shell resides. Where I know I'll find myself sitting next to your tombstone for comfort and time to reflect on your life and its influence on mine.
You were our patriarch, and incredibly loved. You touched the lives of so many individuals that came the day we all came to pray for your soul and for guidance through our grief from losing you.
I heard a hummingbird outside the window during the funeral mass service, and I immediately thought of you and smiled through my silent sobbing. You built so many bird houses and squirrel feeders that we would fill together often. Now, I'll fill them for you so that the birds and squirrels stay and keep grandma company.
I miss the mornings I would come downstairs and you always smiling and greeting me with a good morning. Always making and offering me coffee. Trying to teach me golf, even when I had no patience for it and the way you would help me calm down and help me, I wish I took advantage of that time to learn from you.
I miss our afternoon bike rides around the golf course when the course was closed, and now I'll be the one to follow after the little ones to make sure they are safe, as you always did.
I miss all of your corny jokes and your genuine laughter and small snorts that made your laugh yours. I miss the way you walk. The way you would always tell us how blessed you felt to be here with us for another 15 years when we first thought God would take you into his arms.
I miss the way you would hug me and say hello or goodbye.
I know I'll miss you on Christmas Eve, when we hear you through a video reading the Night Before Christmas instead of feeling your warmth beside me on the couch. I'll miss watching you laughing at all the crazy shenanigans your younger granddaughters would pull. I'll miss watching Avery do your hair because grandma would never let her. I'll miss seeing the way you looked at grandma and how she would look at you in return. I'll miss sharing peanuts and pretzels with you. I'll miss playing dominos with you. I'll miss watching you turn scraps of glass into beautiful light fixtures. I'll miss watching you patiently fixing everything you saw broken because you were our fix it man. I'll miss hearing the police report stations while you are browsing on your computer to make sure your son is safe and all of your family is safe from harm just out of pure love. I'll miss the cute thinking of you texts.
I'll miss you at my college graduation.
I'll miss you when I am showing everyone my first home.
I'll miss you when I introduce any man I become serious enough with to take home to our family.
I'll miss you on my wedding day.
I'll miss you the day I have my first child.
I'll miss you every single day until my own judgement day. And then I'll be praying I get to see you again in Heaven, or wherever good spirits reside.
I miss you. I always will. I'll miss everything, big or small, that reminds me of you.
Thank you for everything, you were such an amazing role model. I couldn't have asked for any better.
I love you, grandpa.
With all of my love,
Your beloved granddaughter