jeal·ous·y
ˈjeləsē/
noun
is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern, and anxiety over an anticipated loss or status of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection.
Hey,
I know you’re probably wondering why I'm writing this. After all, for months of you talking behind my back, rolling your eyes whenever I would come around, giving me death stares in the hallway, complaining to your boyfriend (aka my best friends) about me, and me talking to them and my other friends about how insane you are and how absolutely hilarious I find the situation, I can finally say that I understand.
I was the “other girl." The girl that your boyfriend would go to when he didn’t know how to ask you out, when he was unsure of what he should wear on your first date, when you guys got into your first argument—I was the girl that he would go to to help him understand the complexity of the female brain. I would never, in a million years even think about dating them when I really saw a majority of them as big and most of the time, idiotic older brothers, but for some odd reason, you thought I would.
I have been friends with your boyfriends since they were nerdy, short middle schoolers with a severe lack of maturity and sometimes, that is still how I see them, except now they all tower over me. I have been so utterly comfortable with them over the years and when you came into the picture, I thought things would still remain the same. I thought you would join our crowd and we would all befriend one another and there would be no problems—but boy was I wrong.
It shocked me that boys and girls couldn’t be labeled as friends without other people thinking otherwise. It shocked me that you felt so threatened by a completely platonic friendship to confront your boyfriend several times about your issues with me. And it especially shocked me that you didn’t even get the chance to get to know me before you immediately began "despising" me.
I never truly understood why or how people could be so jealous until I got into a relationship. After years of being the girl that the girlfriends despised, I’m finally on the other side and with lack of better words, it sucks. It sucks to say, but that horrible insecurity that someone or something is going to take away the person that makes you the happiest is so unbelievably real. And maybe that's how I came off to you guys. Maybe by talking to your boyfriends, as I have in the past, came off a little too friendly and maybe you craved that relationship that we shared. I understand that when I make him laugh you cringe because you want to be the only girl capable of making him happy and seeing him laugh and smile and just be so content with some other girl that you barely know is a sight that you wish to never see.
It’s a painful reminder that someone else in this world has the capability of making him so much more happier than you can. And you care for him so much that you want that happiness for him. You want him to be as happy as he can possibly be because in your eyes, he deserves nothing but that. And you want to be that person. You want to be that person that can make him feel so calm and relaxed, and you want to be the person that he gets so excited to see and be with and the one that he can go to for absolutely anything, and when there’s one shred of doubt that you’re not, that is what hurts.
And from one girlfriend to another, when the person who is capable of making your boyfriend reach that level of happiness is another girl, it can drive you just a little bit insane.
So this is a letter to you—the girls that I have angered by being a little too friendly with their boyfriends. I’m sorry if I have ever made you feel so little in the life of the person that makes you the happiest. I never meant to make you so upset to the point that you are in your room, crying about how you desperately don’t want to lose the one that makes everything in your life so much brighter, let alone even imagine that. I regret all of the times that I laughed about how ridiculous you all were acting, but you guys weren't being ridiculous, you were just scared.
I would like to tell you that I promise I would never do anything to harm your relationship. I want to see my friends happy too, and I know that they are happy with you. But now I understand where you were coming from. You didn't hate me, you hated the idea of me taking him away from you. I'm sorry that I ever made you feel that way.
Truce?
