I’m scared. I’m scared as hell. I will be 19 living across the country on my own, pursuing a career I have about less than 1% of truly succeeding in. So yes, I’m terrified. Being an actress was all I ever would talk about. Moving to Los Angeles is all I ever talk about. Yes, I am literally crazy to do this. Anyone who chases after their dreams is crazy.
However, I’m hopeful. There’s a voice in my head that keeps telling me this is what I’m meant to do. I was meant to be anything but ordinary. I’m meant to be extraordinary. I never understand what a “gut feeling” was until now. I feel something inside of me that is pushing me down this scary and crazy path, and sure enough, I am following that feeling.
The looks and comments I get when I tell people about this crazy voyage I'm about to take are discouraging at times, but I think that's because they weren’t lucky enough to have this gut feeling like I do.
I am crazy, in fact, you can say I’m out of my mind. Riddle me this, what is crazier? To take the chance to reach your dreams or to never take a chance to reach your dreams? Personally, whatever road you take, you are crazy.
I’m not afraid to fail, it’s inevitable that in this field I will fail more times than I will ever succeed. I’m afraid of not trying. I would rather try and fail than wonder the rest of my life “what if?” So what if I fail? I’m doing more than half the people I know, I’m making an attempt to make my dreams come true instead of talking about them.
I’ve been asked so many times what I would do if I fail. In my mind, I can't fail. It's truly not possible because I can look back for the rest of my life knowing I did something and I would never have to question myself “what if?”
Of course, I would like an Oscar in my hand one day with a house on the beach in Malibu, but that's not the reason I want to go to LA and act. My goal in life is to be in at least one movie that moves someone the way movies move me. It's an indescribable feeling I get when I watch a movie, and if I could have someone have that feeling after watching a movie I was in, then I feel like my purpose here on earth has been fulfilled.
I know my parents don't believe in me nor do many other people. It's a long shot, so I don’t blame them. However, I believe in myself enough to fill those gaping holes of uncertainty my parents and friends have bestowed upon me. I will say this though, my parents believe in chances.
They are giving me this chance to take this leap of faith into the unknown and I will forever be eternally grateful for that. Thank you to everyone who said I can't, I won't, and I shouldn't because I can, I will, and I should. The words of discouragement I have heard have only motivated me that much more. Thank you, and I will see you all on the big screen one day.
