I really have no idea how many times I've rewatched the third season of American Horror Story. I can just tell you that Coven is my favorite of them all. I'm gonna be honest, I started watching the season last week because I was high. In my head, AHS Coven sounded so freaking amazing.
I was mindblown while watching the first couple of scenes and stuffing myself with powdered doughnuts and a large Thai tea with boba. I was having the time of my life while Zoe's boyfriend bled to death during their first time having sex.
However, I didn't stop and I kept on watching it. I didn't do homework because I was watching that show for what felt like the millionth time. I feel like after everytime, the show keeps getting better and better.
I just can't stop watching it for some reason. All the magic in the show makes it more appealing to my taste. I mean, the other day I was eating Taco Bell at midnight while watching this show, and let me tell you— IT WAS AMAZING!
I mean, no offense to the other six seasons, but Coven takes the prize in my opinion. Don't believe me? Well, I made a list to change your opinion if you don't think season 3 is the best.
1. Fiona Goode
Okay, but before you get on my ass: I know that Fiona is a conniving, self-centered bitch. She was the one who killed most of the witches from the coven (my poor Nan), and if she ever committed a good deed, it was for her own personal purpose. But come on! When do we ever get an antagonist as good as her!?
Jessica Lange excelled in portraying this character. Fiona Goode is the Supreme, the most powerful of all witches. The Queen of the Witches. When the season begins, we find out our beloved bitch queen is dying, and throughout the season she tries to stop her unstoppable death. The only way is by killing the next Supreme since she is sucking the life out of Fiona. Not only do we see how conniving she is, but also how powerful.
I mean, who wouldn't swoon at a Jessica Lange killing a man with an ax? Ah, she needs to return to the show so bad.
2. Myrtle Snow
Myrtle Snow is another terrific example of a phenomenal woman in this show. Pretty much, this season was run by women. Isn't that amazing?!?
However, Myrtle was a sucker for dramatic one-liners and well-delivered screams directed at Fiona. And by now, we should know how much of a sucker I am for dramatics. When she scooped out the eyes out of the members of the council... I was struck with awe at how smoothly she played that scene. It must be my favorite.
Also, let's not forget how much of a fashion icon this woman was!
3. The Seven Wonders
In order to become the next Supreme, a witch must be able to complete all of the seven wonders. Not one less. Each one gets more difficult as the tests go on; the vitalum vitalis being the hardest of all the tests.
If you don't know what that is, that's a spell used to bring people back to life. Misty Day, a swamp witch, was the only one able to — including Fiona — bring people back to life without a hassle. But she couldn't make it past one of the tests and died.
I sometimes wish I had been this creative and had come with this concept myself, but if I had, then there would not have been an AHS Coven, to begin with. Ah, the dilemma.
Imma lay this bare on the table: we ALL love Evan Peters. There, I said it. I finally got it off of my chest.
However, I believe his role in Coven is the most original of them all. Sure, all of his other characters are pretty three-dimensional and unordinary — but dying, ending in pieces, only to be built by two girls that chose parts of his friends and brought him back to life? Like, how do you even know how to act after that? Sure, Kyle was pretty much in a catatonic state until Fiona fixed the torques in his brain.
But playing a brutally confectioned boyfriend? Take all of my money.
We've also got Winnie's power, who is a human voodoo doll. Ain't that cool? We've got clairvoyants, necromancers, telekinetic people, voodoo-users, you name it. And they also incorporated other horror elements into the storyline like ghosts, zombies, a demon, and even a minotaur. Can this show get any better?
Maybe this season was the only one that had a happy and satisfying ending, where, you know, not everybody ends up dead in the end.
But this was my short list of reasons for why I am correct and you are wrong. And if you still don't believe Coven to be the best season, fight me.