What Your American Girl Doll Would Be Like As A 2018 Millennial

What Your American Girl Doll Would Be Like As A 2018 Millennial

Who is Kit Kittredge in 2018?

American Girl Dolls were a staple of our generation. For some reason, these old-timey money sucking dolls were at the very top of our Christmas list for our entire childhood. We know their stories from the years they were alive, but what would they have been like if they would have lived in 2018?

Samantha Parkington

Samantha is now the rich, white sorority girl who shares Tomi Lahren videos and her "grandmary" has a Trump sign in her yard. She's majoring in either communications or TLEP and takes a different tall, handsome frat boy to all of her date parties but she also has an on-again-off-again boyfriend who seems to only exist for her to take cute couple pictures for her 2,311 followers on Instagram. Samantha wears a different combination of black leggings, tall socks, riding boots and a blanket scarf every day.

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Molly McIntire

Molly was a big nerd in high school that all the guys looked past. Once she went to college, she started wearing more low-cut clothing, did away with her straight-across bangs and she started to come out of her shell. Now Molly's a low-key hoe and all the high school boys keep Snapchatting her even though she hates everyone she went to high school with. She's able to maintain a 4.0, a job, and blackout once a weekend.

Kit Kittredge

Kit is a struggling artist living in a basement apartment in New York City, living paycheck to paycheck. She went the untraditional route after high school thinking she'd make it big if she went to NYC. (As if she's never watched a romantic comedy about people who think they will make it big if they go to NYC.) She is vegan and her Instagram account is all black and white photos of her friends who wear exclusively high waisted jeans and platform shoes.

Addy Walker

Addy is a political science major and wants to go to law school and become a senator. She voted for Bernie Sanders in the primaries. She's the vice president of the Undergraduate Student Government and she founded a group on campus to fight for women's reproductive rights. She is the nicest human you'll ever meet, but will not be afraid to call you on your problematic bullshit.

Felicity Merriman

Felicity is the horse girl from elementary school who never grew out of being a horse girl. She still lives at home and shows horses and somehow is still able to buy tee shirts with horses them in a size that would fit an adult. She's the type of girl who was begged by her friends to go to homecoming and prom in high school because she didn't want to wear a dress. She has really nice hair but always puts it up in a bun. She's probably a lesbian but hasn't come out.

Julie Albright

Julie smokes a ton of weed and somehow still has enough money to go to Coachella every year. She always wears a flower crown, high waisted shorts, a glorified bra and appropriates culture in one way or another. She thinks she has a really obscure music taste because she listens to Melanie Martinez and she has Halsey lyrics tattooed on her underboob.

Kirsten Larson

Kirsten is an Inclusive Early Childhood major and she carries a monogrammed large teacher bag and wheels a suitcase full of graded papers and whatever else teachers wheel around in suitcases. She is always either at student teaching, about to be at student teaching, or complaining about student teaching. Her planner is color-coded entirely and she lays her outfits out for the week on Sunday. She's never been late for anything in her life.


Kaya is an environmental science major who will say who has been a vegetarian since she was 8. She's involved in a few groups on campus, all related to her major. She has a group of friends but never feels included. She's never in the group photos because her "friends" always ask her to take the picture. Kaya cringes every time she hears a Harambe joke because the incident should have opened up a much-needed dialogue about animals in captivity but instead became a lazy joke and stupid Halloween costume.

Cover Image Credit: TVguide

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Military Time Is A Much More Efficient Way To Keep Time, And Here's Why

The twenty-four hour time system just simply makes more sense to use.

Twenty-four hour time, or more commonly referred to as military time, is a much more efficient way of communicating. There are twenty-four hours in a day, it just makes sense.

Restaurants, businesses, airports, and pretty much everywhere besides America uses it. This is because no two times will ever be the same and then you have to specify it with a.m. or p.m. Imagine if you had a flight that left at 7:00, in this case a.m. or p.m. is extremely important. Instead, saying 07:00 or 19:00 would just simplify the matter.

Also, other countries don't call it military time, only America does because the twenty-four hour clock system is foreign to us, so we relate it to the military.

Once you are able to switch your mind from counting to twelve twice in a day (that's actually more confusing), then you'll see that twenty-four hour time is more efficient. You just subtract twelve from the number and voilá!

Stop thinking of it as always subtracting because math isn't the most fun to do all the time. Set your phone in twenty-four hour time and eventually you'll become accustomed to it. You'll love it and never want to go back.

Also, on the topic of math, if it's 7:00 a.m. and you have a meeting in nine hours, it's easier to add nine and seven instead of counting to twelve and then starting over.

It's useful for many situations. Many jobs (high end or a movie theatre) use the twenty-four hour clock. I've seen co-workers show up at 4:00 p.m. instead of 2:00 p.m. because they didn't know what 14:00 meant. That's just embarrassing.

If you're learning a language, why on earth would you ever want to say, "Oh the time is 4:00 minus 16 minutes and it's evening." My teachers always just told us to learn the twenty-four hour clock because it's easier and in Europe they'll know you're American if you don't use it.

I don't know if it's just me, but I love the confused looks on people's faces when they ask for the time and I show them my phone. They ask me what's wrong with my phone... Nothing. Just twenty-four hour time.

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7 Thoughts All College Students Have While Drinking Their Morning Cup Of Joe

I hope I don’t have to poop after this.

When you really think back to the coffee you drank in the morning, there is no telling what you were thinking let alone if you were functioning at all. As a college student, however, there may be many conscious not so conscious thoughts.

1. “I don’t even like coffee.”

There is nothing more psychotic than emptying packets and packets of sugar and praying that today is the day that you will fall in love with the one thing that will keep you up. But I mean, everybody is drinking it.

2. “I hope there is no quiz today…”

If there is one thing that could ruin the beginning of your day, it’s having a pop-quiz in the one class that you do not know a damn thing in…even the professor’s name (sending coffee-laced kisses your way).

3. “I can’t afford this.”

If I had any pet peeves, it would be a cup of coffee costing more than $3 and still paying for it. I honestly need to contemplate switching to tea. I guess it doesn’t matter at this point, it takes the same amount of time to get a cappuccino then a hot water with a tea bag in it.

4. “What should I wear today?”

If anyone is my spirit animal, it’s the Grinch: really digging my outfit one moment and deciding to change what I went to sleep in five minutes before class starts.

5. “I hope class gets canceled today.”

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with a little hope. Even if it means staying in bed to the absolute last minute checking your email five times every minute.

6. “Today is going to be a good day. I can do this.”

The odds are high that it is humid and that it's going to rain one minute after leaving your apartment or class and it's only eight in the morning and there are three back to back classes left. But associating a stress-free effect with coffee is literally no cost at all.

7. “I hope I don’t have to poop after this.”

Okay, so this might vary from person to person, but it does not take away the fact that coffee has a laxative effect. It doesn’t help when you admit to a guy you are grabbing coffee with that the coffee at this place gives you the runs…but hey, I have no regrets when it comes to coffee. I embrace my flaws. You should, too.

Cover Image Credit: @starbucks

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