I Am Not A Cool Girl And I Totally Know It

I Am Not A Cool Girl And I Totally Know It

It seems the more I try, the goofier I get.
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Scrolling through my Instagram feed the other day, I found myself comparing my traits to those of girls who have perfected the half smile, look amazing in rounded sunglasses, and clearly keep themselves together a majority of the time. And then it dawned on me, I am definitely not a cool girl, and I am completely okay with that.

I am a hot mess, 9 times out of 10.

I never have myself together. I may seem like I do, but I 100% do not. My mind is constantly all over the place and I can’t make a standing decision if my life depended on it. I use dry shampoo and pass it off as clean hair for about 3 days in a row, and half the time, my entire closet is on my floor because I can’t stand anything I own.

I can’t hide my emotions, like at all.

I feel like a lot of the girls that I know who definitely adopt the “cool” persona are amazing at never letting their emotions get to them. And then there’s me. Someone can look at me the wrong way and I take it so personally that I let it ruin my whole day. Or if my cat doesn’t snuggle me back, I automatically assume she hates me and will never "purr" at my expense again.

Also, that cat is my best friend so if that doesn’t say “not cool at all” I am not sure what does.

And you should see me dance.

Ha! Rhythm is just something I have come to live without. But here’s the thing, I will think I am totally on beat and my moves are looking pretty smooth. And then, I see myself in a friend’s snapchat story and realize, for the hundredth time, that I look like a t-rex trying to make a bed. My arms don’t know what they’re doing, and my feet just stay in one place as if they’re completely disconnected from the rest of my body.

Most of the time, I dress like a mom.

I don’t know, maybe I just don’t like showing my body off all that much, but more often than not, my shirts are loose and my pants are long. My friends will try to get me into something a with a little more sex appeal, and then I feel a draft where I shouldn’t, and I am right back in my mom outfit. Ehh, whatever, I still consider myself stylish.

I can’t just let loose.

I try, I really do. But I am constantly worried about what’s going to happen next. I’m a planner, and I always have been. I simply can’t help it. I am always think about how my actions are going to affect myself and those around me tomorrow… but maybe that’s not being uncool, just responsible.

I think I’m funny, but I’m not sure others do.

I love a good pun, and “dad jokes” are my favorite. My problem is, I’m funny when I’m not trying to be funny. And by this, I mean, I’m easy to make fun of. But when I actually try to make a joke and make people laugh, I usually get stares… or mockery.


Honestly, though, I don’t mind not being the “cool” girl. I am goofy and make fun of myself a lot. I’m emotional and more often than not, I say things that make situations more awkward than they need to be. But, I’m me. There’s nothing I can do about it, so I might as well embrace the fact that I will always be a little weird and a little uncoordinated. What does “cool” even mean these days anyway?

Cover Image Credit: ClicheMag

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.
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Hey,

So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?

Sincerely,

Me

Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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It's 2019, And I Can Confirm One Size Does Not Fit All, At All

I'll take feeling good over meeting your standards. Thank you.

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We live in a society where being yourself and expressing who you truly are is something that is becoming more and more accepted and is actually trendy. Left and right, people are coming forward and declaring who they are and want to be in life and there is a crowd of people there to cheer them on.

There is also always that small percent sitting in the corner, ready to throw derogatory comments and taint the self-love, respect, and acceptance that's flowing.

Every single time this happens, the internet breaks and feuds form in the comment sections. How many times does this fight have to be had before people just mind their own business? How someone looks is frankly none of your concern. Whether you think the person is too fat, too skinny, too girly, too rough, too whatever, it's none of your business.

I'm a firm believer that one should focus on their own life instead of living to tear others down. You should be more concerned with feeling good in your own body than wasting your energy trying to make people ashamed of theirs. It's not your place to comment on someone's appearance.

We should work on building up confidence and feeling good in our skin. Exercising, working on your mental health, and surrounding yourself with good energy will improve your life exponentially. DO NOT do this to achieve an aesthetic or try to look like an Instagram model. Only do it to feel good about yourself internally. What you look like on the outside should only matter to you.

I would be lying if I said I didn't fall victim to countless beautiful women who post their swimsuit photos looking like they stepped out of Vogue magazine. I would be lying if I said I didn't struggle with my own body image and have to remind myself daily that it's okay to not fit their mold. I won't lie to you. We live in a world that feels the need to comment on every inch of our skin rather than focus on more important issues. Shut off the noise and ignore the words that are given in hate. You have better things to do than focus on their negativity.

Make your own mold.

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