Scrolling through my Instagram feed the other day, I found myself comparing my traits to those of girls who have perfected the half smile, look amazing in rounded sunglasses, and clearly keep themselves together a majority of the time. And then it dawned on me, I am definitely not a cool girl, and I am completely okay with that.
I am a hot mess, 9 times out of 10.
I never have myself together. I may seem like I do, but I 100% do not. My mind is constantly all over the place and I can’t make a standing decision if my life depended on it. I use dry shampoo and pass it off as clean hair for about 3 days in a row, and half the time, my entire closet is on my floor because I can’t stand anything I own.
I can’t hide my emotions, like at all.
I feel like a lot of the girls that I know who definitely adopt the “cool” persona are amazing at never letting their emotions get to them. And then there’s me. Someone can look at me the wrong way and I take it so personally that I let it ruin my whole day. Or if my cat doesn’t snuggle me back, I automatically assume she hates me and will never "purr" at my expense again.
Also, that cat is my best friend so if that doesn’t say “not cool at all” I am not sure what does.
And you should see me dance.
Ha! Rhythm is just something I have come to live without. But here’s the thing, I will think I am totally on beat and my moves are looking pretty smooth. And then, I see myself in a friend’s snapchat story and realize, for the hundredth time, that I look like a t-rex trying to make a bed. My arms don’t know what they’re doing, and my feet just stay in one place as if they’re completely disconnected from the rest of my body.
Most of the time, I dress like a mom.
I don’t know, maybe I just don’t like showing my body off all that much, but more often than not, my shirts are loose and my pants are long. My friends will try to get me into something a with a little more sex appeal, and then I feel a draft where I shouldn’t, and I am right back in my mom outfit. Ehh, whatever, I still consider myself stylish.
I can’t just let loose.
I try, I really do. But I am constantly worried about what’s going to happen next. I’m a planner, and I always have been. I simply can’t help it. I am always think about how my actions are going to affect myself and those around me tomorrow… but maybe that’s not being uncool, just responsible.
I think I’m funny, but I’m not sure others do.
I love a good pun, and “dad jokes” are my favorite. My problem is, I’m funny when I’m not trying to be funny. And by this, I mean, I’m easy to make fun of. But when I actually try to make a joke and make people laugh, I usually get stares… or mockery.
Honestly, though, I don’t mind not being the “cool” girl. I am goofy and make fun of myself a lot. I’m emotional and more often than not, I say things that make situations more awkward than they need to be. But, I’m me. There’s nothing I can do about it, so I might as well embrace the fact that I will always be a little weird and a little uncoordinated. What does “cool” even mean these days anyway?