To Be Enough

Am I Enough?

When a twenty-year-old tries to tell you what life is...


I got lost. People would always say that we should do what makes us happy. I've fooled myself before, feeling so sure about becoming a veterinarian, a doctor, environmental lawyer, nurse practitioner- in short, I considered a lot of careers because I loved a lot of things. Movies and books told me to "follow my heart." Somehow, these words calmed me down in the face of tough decisions. They would always echo back to me whenever I felt lost and unsure, and I believed that God knew my heart; so, it made sense to follow it. I'm not so sure, however, why I can't hear anything from it nowadays.

College woke up my extroverted character. I found out how much I was capable of loving people, and I was finally seeing that happy person I looked up to in me. I found who I was, at least I thought I did, until the question "what do you want to do after you graduate?" kept haunting my thoughts.

It barged in with so many worries and discouragements. I reflected on my GPA, my major, my experiences, and my leadership; I compared these with others: I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough for life after college. I wasn't enough for law school. I wasn't enough for the future. I suddenly felt the light inside me, that little spark of madness that Robin Williams told us about -- dying down. It was time to grow up; to stop following my heart because it started to look naive.

I learned, however, that the greatest didn't define how life was supposed to be. This started to make more sense as I thought about one of my favorite quotes. In J.K. Rowling's "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets," Dumbledore tells Harry that it is our choices that tell who we really are, far more than our abilities. Our grades and such don't have a say on establishing something for "I," but our choices do. I believe that we are given the freedom to use our thoughts to make choices, thereby moving us to different experiences in life. In other words, we experience life through the choices we make. My parents, siblings, friends -- every kind person in my life weren't there to make choices for me. Being with them shaped me into the person who would choose love over hate, to hold onto my faith in God in times of trouble, and to not let failures keep me down.

Even though there are times when I question my abilities, this path gave me so much love that it told me that regardless of my failures, I was enough. I was never my grades and resumé. I was my choices.

I don't have a Ph.D. in Philosophy, nor am I a life expert. I doubt my abilities because of my numbers. I don't know a lot about my future. I can't narrow down all the things I love into one job title. I'm flawed, and I always will be. I know that I'll be flawed in many ways in the future. I don't have the wisdom of the great philosophers I learned in my classes. I'm just a twenty-year-old, but I know that I'll always grow up in the sense that I'll be braver than the other times.

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9 Reasons You're Still In Love With Tim Riggins In 2019

Clear eyes. Full hearts.

If you're a Friday Night Lights fan, you know very well who Tim Riggins is. And if you've never seen the show, he's basically just the bad boy football star and sensitive hottie of your dreams, all wrapped into one heart-throbbing package. If you haven't already fallen under the Tim Riggins spell, you're about to...

1. He's the star running back of the Dillon Panthers.

Basically every girl who has walked this earth has fantasized about having that cliche football relationship. No shame. #33 on the field, #1 in my heart.

2. He's actually really sensitive.

Tim Riggins may seem hard and dysfunctional on the outside, but he's really just a big softie. He's no JD McCoy, who grew up lavishly and extremely fortunate; Tim had a rough upbringing. He and his brother, Billy, had to work hard all by themselves just to stay above water, which is most likely what keeps him so grounded and humbled.

3. He loves kids.

Tim didn't even think twice about taking his neighbor under his wing when he moved in next door. And for some reason, there's just somethin' about cute boys holding babies that makes us girls swoon.

4. He's genuine and honest.

Sure, maybe he took advantage of his football-star status and slept with most of the rally girls, but once he fell in love with Lyla we saw his compassionate side. (You probably envied Lyla and maybe even hated her for a while because of it...I know I did.)

5. He knows how to have a good time.

It's 5 o'clock somewhere.

6. He's a family man.

Tim took the blame for his brother's crime and went to prison for it...if that's not loyalty then I don't know what is.

7. He's affectionate.

If you either hate Lyla or you want to be Lyla or a combination of the both, you are not alone.

8. He's protective.

Probably the only time you've ever wanted to be in a tornado was when you watched the episode where he shielded Julie from flying debris.

9. He's beautiful.

You're welcome for blessing you with this GIF.

May you all find your own Tim Riggins. Amen.

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Poetry On The Odyssey: It's a Girl

An ode to the little girl raised to be insecure.


They raise little girls to be insecure

Little girls grow to be big girls

People always ask big girls why they're so insecure

Big girls aren't quite sure

Day after day the big girl can't keep up

She's exhausted

Her soul feels worn

The big girl learns to grow hard

In a way, she's a bit stronger

People call her a bitch


What is that?

How can she let that affect her

It's simply the only way to be her

She mourns that little girl

Hoping that one day

She'll be strong

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