For as long as I can remember, I have always enjoyed having my space and alone time. I actually prefer it the majority of the time, whether it's being in the library or even sitting in a corner of a coffee shop. It's normal for me to enjoy listening to music while writing anything, watching movies, or doing any kind of work to distract myself from this fast-paced world. Also, sitting in the dining hall by myself, I kind of feel the pity or even judgment. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends but it just feels like I don't fit into just one group. My high school experience, it seemed like everyone knew where they belonged except me the majority of the time. I'm in college now and I'm kind of realizing that it's okay and normal.
My high school was a really small private school. Those four years were extremely tough for me. I had a lot of solo tendencies but I really tried to branch out and get outside of my comfort zone. However, it was so hard to relate to other girls that went to school me. I honestly felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb and just in general, felt extremely awkward. Going to college, I had mixed emotions. At first, I was excited to be moving away from home, living on my own. But then I got nervous. I felt like it was going to be difficult for me, to find my group and not be an outcast for the rest of my college career. I just finished my first semester of freshman year and I still feel like I haven't found my niche. I'm still working on trying to put myself out there, trying to open up but it's the most excruciating, nerve-wracking thing that I have to do every single day. I honestly feel like I'm going to say the wrong thing or I'm just going to be judged. I can't seem to get over myself but that's my personality.
Though I often feel lonely in college, I have come to terms that I can't really change my ways. I'm starting to be more confident and trying to take initiative which has helped me become a stronger person. I may appear stuck up, cocky, uptight or ignorant because I prefer to be alone but I know I'm not. I'm just a really quiet, shy person who is really trying so maybe you should get to know someone before you make an assumption. I have made some friends in college and that I know I can count on if I need to talk and who accept me for me. Also, I realized that I'm not the only one who enjoys their alone time. I've met people who like their quiet time where they can recharge and relax. However, I've met people who have to be currently around people to keep them going. Nevertheless, what I'm trying to say is that there's going to be those who just judge you from the minute they meet you and that's honestly fine because you know what, you're going to found those people who accept you for you.
