I do not know who I will end up marrying, if I will wake up tomorrow or the next day, and I really do not know the friends I will still have twenty years from now. I do not know the things I will say in my vows, the texts I will send, or the phone calls I will make. To be honest, I am not sure of anything. Nothing is promised. I can not map my life out for myself. What I do know is, God is in control of my life. He knows who I will marry, if I will wake up tomorrow or the next day, the friends I will have until the day I die, and He even knows the day that He will call me home.
It is a humbly, calming feeling to know that my life is not directed by me. I am not the driver. If I was, I would be married to the first guy I ever "loved" and not as strong or smart as I am today. With every small bump in the road I faced, I learned a new lesson and gained a little bit more strength. I can not say my life has been easy, because it hasn't and I really can not say this past year has been easy but God has never failed me and He won't start now.
Through a lot of the things that has happened over the past year, I have found myself and I am so happy about that. This year has taught me how to be patient when my heart becomes anxious, how to trust God in the midst of all of the chaos of everyday life, and most importantly, my purpose on this earth is not to find happiness, my true purpose is to show others that they are loved. That should be our ultimate goal anyways, right?
People ask me all the time, "how can you just be so calm about that situation?' and to be very honest, I try to act calm about so much but deep down, I am a "planner" and it is not always easy just to leave all of my wants and needs in the hands of the "big man upstairs".
I think the hardest thing for me to realize this year was that not everything is going to go my way. God has opened my eyes to so many different things that I would have never in a million years imagined would happen to me. I had to lose it all to find it all and it has not been easy. That is the thing though, God does not promise us sunshine and unicorns, what He does promise us is He will never leave us or forsake us and friends, has He let you down yet? God sends us little hurdles sometimes so that we can cling to Him. The hurdles are not meant to hurt you, they are there to help you.
I do not know what tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year will bring for me. I do not know what God has in store for my life but I do know He has it and He will never let me go. I may not know how to pray sometimes, I may struggle with the words to thank Him for all He has done for my life but what I do know is, He listens and He knows exactly what I need. All I know is that my life is His and no matter what, He is still good.
