You Need To Accept That Not Every Friend Is A Forever Friend

You Need To Accept That Not Every Friend Is A Forever Friend

We find ourselves forgiving these people, despite the consistent pain that they put us under.

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Breaking up with a significant other and ending a romantic relationship is a form of heartbreak that is covered by the mass: we have movies that depict the kind of situation and songs that tell of the pain. Yet there's another kind of end to a relationship that is less covered and equally as agonizing — the end of a friendship.

You've most definitely heard of toxic romantic relationships, but toxic friendships are often overlooked. We tell ourselves that it's just a part of life, that sometimes friends hurt us and sometimes we fight. We find ourselves forgiving these people, despite the consistent pain that they put us under.

Toxicity is common within friends. A toxic friend feeds off of your hurt. They leave you out intentionally or create group chats without you. They'll constantly make you feel bad about yourself and make you believe that you are the one who's in the wrong. They utterly lack empathy, and don't care whether or not you are hurting, nor will they ask if you're okay. Typically, they love drama and will generate it at any given moment. They are pretty self-centered and only care about their own problems, never asking or listening to you about your own.

When a friend is causing you more stress than happiness, more harm than good, then they are not worth it. Friends are the people in your life who are supposed to be there for you and help you through this crazy, mixed-up world, and if someone is doing the exact opposite, you need to walk away.

The first step to letting these people go is to confront them for the last time. Try and discuss the situation with them. Generate conversation to see if there is an underlying problem that could be helped. If this person is still displaying toxic behaviors, you'll know that you've done everything you can to make it work and that this person is just someone who is never going to change their ways.

And the only thing left to do is to let them go.

It's not easy. In fact, it's nearly the furthest thing from it. It can alter your entire life, whether it be changing the dynamics within your friend group or distancing yourself from this toxic person. A lot of the times, the task of detaching yourself from a toxic friend seems so complex that we give up and forgive them.

Don't. As hard as it is, it will get easier. While one door closes, another one will open. You may find yourself open to new people and opportunities that you had never had when you were caught up with your old friend. You'll have time to learn to love yourself more because once you start to love yourself, you'll be able to more clearly differentiate between toxic and healthy treatment.

Some friends aren't forever. And that's okay. They come into your life, teach you lessons, provide memories, and leave. You are better off without that pain in your life. Know that not every person that comes into your life is going to be this way. You'll find people who are undyingly loving, supporting, and kind, who will be there for the rest of your lives. They will fill the void of what your toxic friend will never be able to be.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup


Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.

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We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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