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7 Questions I Have For The Alien Living In Mount Vernon, Ohio

July 31, 2018: a day that proved to the small city of Mount Vernon, Ohio that aliens do, indeed, exist.

Syd Bassett

Sep 07, 2018

Ohio University

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7 Questions I Have For The Alien Living In Mount Vernon, Ohio

Luke Stackpoole

According to the Mount Vernon News, the Mutual UFO Network received a report of a tall, brown-skinned creature spotted on Ohio "a couple of miles" north of the city of Mount Vernon.

The creature was reported as being seven to eight feet tall with dark or light brown skin and had no body hair. According to the witness, the extraterrestrial creature came out of a cornfield and crossed the highway "at a tremendous rate of speed."

Although many people are skeptical as to whether or not this alien is real or was just an abnormally large deer running around at night, curiosity has overwhelmed my brain and I have some questions for this possible extraterrestrial neighborhood friend.

1. "Why Ohio?"

Giphy

Sure, Ohio is great and all, but the only thing we have going for us is that we can experience all four seasons in one day. Unless Mother Nature hates your home, too, I hope you know what you're in for.

2. "Do you know how to drive a tractor?"

Giphy

Is your tractor sexy? If you're living in the hicks of Ohio, you need to know how to drive a tractor sexily. Trust me...it'll take you far in life and love. Yee yee.

3. "Are you related to the demogorgon?"

Are you from the Upside-Down? Do you know Eleven? Do you know how we can get justice for Barb? Are you Team Jonathan or Team Steve?

4. "How do you shop for clothes?"

Giphy

Your body seems, well, quite unusually proportioned. Where do you go to find extra-extra-long jeans? Can you find long sleeves that fit or do they all tend to become short sleeve shirts? If you had to put your foot beside Shaquille O'Neal's, would yours be bigger or smaller than his?

5. "Where's your spaceship?"

Giphy

Do you have superpowers? Did you teleport from your home planet to Earth? Can you show me how to do that so that I can go back home and see my dog?

6. "Are you a carnivore?"

Giphy

Whatever diet you have is great! But if it includes 5'2, brunette college girls, then I would like to know this before we accidentally cross paths in the middle of the night.

7. "Are you scared of spiders?"

Giphy

Hey, spiders are the real monsters of this world.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Lifestyle

Cool Off with These 8 Beers!

North Carolina State University

4847

Summer is hot and humid, and it's almost like summer was made specifically to drink the refreshing, cold, crisp wonderful, delicious, nutritious nectar of the gods. Which is none other than beer; wonderful cold beer. With summer playing peek-a-boo around the corner while we finish up this semester, it's time to discuss the only important part of summer. And if you haven't already guessed, it's beer. There are few things I take more seriously than my beer, in order are: sports... and beer. Here are my favorite summer brews:

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7 Questions I Have For The Alien Living In Mount Vernon, Ohio

July 31, 2018: a day that proved to the small city of Mount Vernon, Ohio that aliens do, indeed, exist.

1. "Why Ohio?"

2. "Do you know how to drive a tractor?"

3. "Are you related to the demogorgon?"

4. "How do you shop for clothes?"

5. "Where's your spaceship?"

6. "Are you a carnivore?"

7. "Are you scared of spiders?"

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Appreciation for some of life's most discredited pleasures.

1. Sun showers

2. Smiles

3. Tight hugs

4. Discovering new foods you like.

5. Laying in bed after a long day.

6. And being completely relaxed

7. "This reminded me of you"

8. Breakfast foods

9. Over-sized clothes

10. Contagious laughs

11. Car rides with that one person

12. Random (I miss you/ I love you) texts

13. The city at night

14. Surprises

15. Blanket cocoons

16. Good hair days

17. Really good coffee

18. Days where you're in a good mood naturally and for no particular reason

19. Conquering a fear

20. When they give you a lot of guac at Chipotle

21. Being so comfortable with someone that you can literally talk about anything

22. Home-cooked meals

23. Tattoo stories

24. Leaves changing color in fall

25. Butterflies in your stomach

26. Peanut butter & jelly sandwiches

27. When you can't stop laughing

Cool Off with These 8 Beers!

Coors Light Summer Brew:

Leinenkugel Summer Shandy

Leinenkugel Sunset Wheat

Want to know more about beer?

Sam Adams Summer Ale

Hell or High Watermelon

Blue Moon Summer Honey

LandShark Lager

Corona

75 degrees and sunny, plus, no humidity. I mean do I really need to say more?

Perfect Weather

You'll get an effortless tan

You can exercise with a view

You don't have to worry about bug bites

In n Out all day, every day

We have outdoor concerts

We live where people vacation

Because let's be honest, we all use lyrics.

1. “Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside. It's where my demons hide.”

2. “Tonight, we are young.”

3. “Cuz I may be bad, but I’m perfectly good at it.”

4. “Tell me how they got that pretty little face on that pretty little frame.”

5. “I can’t wait to fall in love with you, you can’t wait to fall in love with me.”

6. “Sweatpants, hair tied, chillin with no makeup on.”

7. “Why you so obsessed with me?”

8. “We ain’t ever getting older.”

9. “I didn’t know that I was starving until I tasted you.”

10. “Didn’t they tell you I’m a savage?"

11. “I’m gonna make you miss me.”

12. "Cheers to the freakin weekend.”

13. “Love’s a game. Wanna play?”

14. “You don’t know about me, but I bet you want to.”

15. “Let’s set each other’s lonely nights, Be each other’s paradise.”

16. “Trippin’ on skies, sippin’ waterfalls."

17. “Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days.”

18. “But you will remember me for centuries.”

19. “Something about you makes me feel like a dangerous woman."

20. “Don’t act like it’s a bad thing to fall in love with me.”

21. “Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.”

22. “Find me where the wild things are.”

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1. "Talk about a dream
Try to make it real
You wake up in the night
With a fear so real
Spend your life waiting
For a moment that just don't come
Well don't waste your time waiting." (Badlands)