I’m sorry to say this, but I think that we need to talk. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but last night I was up until 3 AM doing homework, and I was hoping to get some rest. You can imagine my frustration when your cringeworthy chirping began at a quarter to seven and my class was not until 12:30. To answer your question, yes, I did forget to reset the time but you should have known better. At that early hour, I quickly imagine a myriad of situations in which I can deal with your incessant noise. In one instance, I escort you to the bathroom and flush you down the toilet or, in another, I deliver you to the nearest dumpster.

It is nothing personal. I need to take some time to work on myself. I think we should see other people. It’s not you, it’s me. Well, no, I lied, it is you. You are the one who interrupts my peaceful rest, and I no longer have time for that kind of negativity in my life. No matter which cliché I use to try and soften the blow, the hard truth is that it is over.

You see, a life without alarm clocks is how we achieve world peace. Without alarm clocks, people would not be walking around upset that their sleep was interrupted We would all be fully rested, bright eyed, cheer-filled people. These are the things that you stand in the way of.

I must ask you, do you feel remorse for the pain you cause? Does it make you feel bad to ruin someone’s day before they even get up? It seems to me that you find joy in it. I can no longer associate myself with someone who has such a cold heart.

What continues to baffle me is that you sit right beside me on my desk as I work into the early hours of the morning. You are witness to the constant stream of papers and textbooks that fill up my time, yet you show no pity once the sun rises. It is a shame that you feel the need to be so cold.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had some good times, like when I am able to set you to wake me up after a rare, full 8 hours, or when a class is canceled and I don’t have to set you at all. However, you don’t seem to realize the pain that you cause.

I hope that you consider these harsh words and take some time to reflect. Some people are just not meant to be together, and I think that may be the case between us. Who knows, maybe you will go on to find an early riser who can appreciate your migraine-inducing chimes. I believe that you will find someone else, but this is where the road ends for us. I wish you the best of luck, but I sincerely hope that you change your ways.