Infidelity within a relationship can destroy a person from the inside out. Whether the couple has been together two months or 20 years, it makes no difference. The pain and grief left after the truth comes to light leaves you with a missing piece of your soul. Did they find you unattractive? Had the sound of your voice become something they dreaded to hear? Was the other person involved more intelligent and sexually appealing? Even if the answers to these questions are yes, becoming an adulterer should not have been the solution.

Counseling or divorce is the appropriate step to take when a relationship has taken a turn for the worst. Cheating is not an accident. Having an emotional and sexual relationship with someone is a choice. Maybe sex happens in the heat of the moment, sometimes, but being in that moment is a choice. Those flirtatious text messages sent when you know no one is watching is a choice. You are choosing to steal the joy and life out of another human being that cares about you with one devastating blow. An accident is dropping your phone, not your pants.

If you’ve been cheated on, I am deeply sorry. Feeling worthless and questioning everything about you is something no one should have to endure. But, I am here to tell you that life goes on. Get up and leave. Pack your bags and get out. People only change if they want to. You can’t guilt someone into being who you need him or her to be.

If adultery happens in a marriage, that takes a little more deliberation, especially if there are children involved. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you and not your children. Otherwise, the whole “family” will fall apart. The kids will understand each perspective and your decision in due time. When the decision is finally made to end any toxic relationship, a wave of relief will wash over you. The sting of the initial pain will fade away, and life will continue. You will feel free of the shackles that have weighed you down for far too long. You may even catch yourself smiling at the memories you two shared before the affair without feeling utterly betrayed. The ache in your heart will fade slowly then all at once. Make your decision then never look back because they aren’t worth your time anymore.

You deserve someone who will love and cherish you, always. Yes, people make mistakes and can change. However, it takes more than just someone changing his or her mind in order to repair a shattered relationship. A change of heart, spirit and mentality are necessary to begin to put the pieces of your lives together again. So, if you’re feeling lost because of how your most trusted companion took your love and squandered it away, hold your head high and know that it was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to stop them from making the choices they did.

Learn to love yourself and not depend on others to do it for you. Be selfish and don’t feel sorry for putting yourself first for once. Infidelity is about a lack of respect, not love. You deserve someone that will always respect you through your best and worst moments. Do not settle for less.