Growing up, I love anything that made me slightly different from being “normal.” One of these traits was my religion. I grew up in a small, white, middle-class town, just “right outside of Boston,” (in reality, it’s actually closer to an hour outside of Boston). For the most part, the majority of the residents were Christians, with maybe a dozen or so Jewish families in the mix. For me, I was different from everyone, because I had a Jewish raised mother from Long Island, and an Irish-Catholic father, from actually just outside of Boston. Depending on who I wanted to be that day, I could choose what religion I “practiced.” I liked that I went to my cousins' Bar Mitzvahs, but also went to my other cousins' Confirmations. We celebrated Hanukah, but also had an Easter egg hunt every Spring.
I was relatively comfortable with my religious background until I got to college. I can’t put my finger on what changed in my mind, but I began to feel that there was a large part of me, of my own self-identification, in which I wanted to expose myself to and experience religion in a more meaningful way than I had before. Of course, however, wanting to become religious at 18 years old is harder than I thought.
I began to do research and talk to the most open-minded religious people that I knew, and that’s when I really began to find Judaism. My full story with Judaism is long, a little boring, and inconsistent. The best way I can describe my story is by saying that it’s a story where I did a lot of reading, went to Shabbat and started celebrating holidays with very close friends, and eventually started to attend Hillel at my school, but, again, inconsistently.
Why the inconsistency? Because, especially if you are near to being in the same boat that I am in, you know that putting yourself out there when you're not confident is awkward and intimidating. For me, I wished that I could have woken up miraculously with the same knowledge and religious background as the other students at Hillel. The other students and faculty in Hillel were, and are, nothing but welcoming, but it still did not take away from the fact that I did not feel at complete ease with my own state of religion. I left college at the end of my sophomore year a little bit further along in my religious journey, but nowhere near where I wanted to be.
When I got to Buenos Aires, for study abroad, I was nervous to continue this journey in a completely new realm of the Jewish community, because both my Spanish level and my religious level are, for me, sub par. After two months of being here, and “settling in” (I was settling in, but this is also a bit of an excuse, hence the quotation marks), I was encouraged by friends to reach out to the Jewish community; so I did.
After attending my first Shabbat, I have learned, and this is the main moral that I was hoping to share with you (I took the longest route to get here), that there are a lot of people, especially young adults looking to find their own ease with religion. Whether they were raised religious, but are now looking for something that better suits who they are, or have a similar story to mine, where they weren’t raised religious and that is now making them feel empty, we are here.
How did I reach this conclusion after one Shabbat in Argentina? Through the people I met. I met a girl from Paris, who had the French version of my story, but the difference between us is that she is brave. She had no problem asking questions or putting herself out there, but I realized that she must be the exception. She welcomed me and shared stories with me about other people she had met just like us. The Rabbi also shared stories of many people he had encountered over the years and seemed to not be as surprised as I expected when I shared my story. I realized that as different as I thought I was growing up, there are a lot of people that don’t grow up religious, or grow up around two religions, or grow up around a religion that they might not necessarily believe, but putting yourself out there religiously is awkward and intimidating.
So, my message to anyone who feels they are facing their own religious challenge, you should face it. You should learn and ask questions and you should never feel awkward about feeling awkward. My first Shabbat in Argentina was an exposure to more intense religion than I was used to. But even with the strictest believers, they were the most open minded and open arm people in wanting to teach what they find comfort in. Sometimes, especially for people who aren’t used to being around religion, but might want to become more exposed, it’s intimidating, because from the outside, it appears so rigid. But all religious people have a rigid shield because there are people who don’t accept religion at all. To these people, it is hard to not put up a shield to protect yourself. But if you are serious about learning and experiencing religion, do not be scared to share your story, whatever your story may be, and do not be scared to expose yourself, because at this point, that is when people will open their minds and hearts to teach you what they know.
