Adulting. We all reach a point in life where we are required/expected/forced/tortured to act in such a manner that we can be trusted with various responsibilities like kids, mortgages, plants, and expiration dates. This does not mean it actually happens, and if you are unsure of what exactly “adulting” means, take a look at these definitions that might be questionable, but let’s not kid ourselves-are very true:
-to do grown-up things and hold responsibilities; exclusively used by those who adult less than 50% of the time
-anything that makes one think of grown-ups
-being a responsible adult; used by immature twenty-somethings who are proud of themselves for paying a bill
-post-adolescence when the light in your eyes fade away and dies
-losing the will to live
1. First world poor is a thing, y’all. And we are in it.
2. This will never happen for me because my hair is that episode of Friends when Monica is in Barbados.
But for those of you that can run a comb through your hair without breaking it, I am impressed with you already. However, if you can achieve this, please run for President.
3. This is like the North Star, or guiding light if you will, of navigating the adult life.
If you don’t find yourself in this situation or utter these words, you are not adulting. In fact, I don’t know what it is you are doing, but you should probably stop. No proper adult actually keeps their word in this scenario.
4. The best time to forget someone’s name is during a job interview. Just FYI.
5. First of all, if you read this and realize you don’t even have a resume, you’re adulting correctly.
Second, when you do find yourself going down that path that makes you hate everything about yourself, remember that the key to a successful resume is complete bullshit*.
*can also be applied to real life
6. You are not an adult if you don’t act awkward with company in your home, and make them feel just as awkward.
7. A true miracle for some of us that we’ve even made it to the age we are, but even more, this is so true.
Maybe we act younger than we are because we finally figured out how to act that particular age? I mean, we all know that one guy who is a “manchild”, but maybe he just finally figured out at 40 what he was supposed to be doing in his 20’s? No?
8. And even when you are good at it, it still doesn’t matter.
9. There is nothing like the soul-crushing disappointment of waking up alive. Again.
10. Other things you can also be passionate about in place of “not starving to death”:*this can also be applied to life
Netflix
Internet
Entertainment (do not specify your form of preferred entertainment, some of you will not get the job)
Starbucks
Chipotle
Wine
Alcohol
“Medication”
Clothes
Clothes for your dogs
Uber rides
