I looked like an absolute fool on Friday. Somehow, I managed to step on a packet of hot sauce during the half-a-mile hoof between my assigned parking lot and my office at school. Horrified, I watched in slow motion as it exploded all over my lower left leg. Ugly, oily orange blots sprayed everywhere.
...and look at that. There goes a bus full of students, along with my self esteem.
Ever had one of those days?
I don't know about you, but my life doesn't always go as planned. The world has a way of pushing back on the ever-sensitive "status quo" of my own feelings. Just as I begin to snuggle into a comfortable sense of peace or comfort, satisfied with my place in the world and the lives of my friends, I go and step on a freakin' packet of sauce and feel like a piece of garbage. A gripping, icy feeling of shame and stupidity.
"What are they thinking of me?"
"Frick I'm an idiot."
"They're probably all laughing at me."
Listen, I've been in college for six years now. I've witnessed a great deal of others' "humble moments," and definitely snickered on multiple occasions. However, do I remember them today? No. Did I think of the unfortunate individual as a lesser human being? Of course not. But why?
Because we all look like morons sometimes. Some of our most embarrassing moments aren't even accidents! They are when we frantically try to cover up those very blunders in a desperate effort to control what other people are thinking about us.
As I stood there on the sidewalk, orange juices flowing down my leg, I spotted a nearby bush, thinking that leaves could somehow substitute for paper towels.
Because that makes so much sense...*insert eye roll*
Rushing over to it and vigorously scrubbing my leg, it only served to spread the substance around and get everything sticky and irritated. I thought maybe I could do it before the bus reached me. But instead, all I managed to do was give the passengers a full-on view of an elder college student hunched over a shrub, trying to salvage his dignity.
Not a pretty sight.
We put out so much energy to try and control the way people see us. Stop for a second and ask yourself, "What do I do to shape the opinions of others in a 24 hour period?" One communication theory, Identity and Face Management, focuses on this; on how much effort we put into shaping the perception of ourselves we believe others to have.
It's the reason we work to keep our social profiles in tip-top shape.
It's the reason we spend gross amounts of cash on the clothes or accessories we crave.
It's the reason we learn the lingo and the norms of our culture so as not to stand out.
It's the reason we fear and struggle as a generation with being known and accepted for who we are.
These are all part of one big lie we've bought: "In order for me to have peace, I have to be in control of what others think of me." It's wrong, and it's exhausting.
The answer is simple: learn to laugh at yourself.
Following the hysterical account of my own humble moment above (which all in all lasted about 20 seconds), I looked up, glanced back at the bus, and just started smiling. On the inside, I was even laughing. "Wow...that was stupid. Couldn't have been funnier if I were Kramer or Ross, straight out of an episode of 'Seinfeld' or 'Friends'..."
I knew that even if I may have given a few students quite a show, it had no effect on who I am. All that judgement, that fear, that angst inside; it's all my own junk. People aren't looking at me and thinking less of me. I'm thinking less of myself because of what I perceive them to be thinking. It's all one big empty balloon of hot air, puffed up over and over again by my own thoughts.
As I strolled down the hallways of North Campus, I flipped in my earbuds and started snapping my fingers to the beat of the music. Caught up in my own daydreams, I happily made my way to the School of Communication. By the time I got to my office, I'd forgotten about it already.
If you're anything like me, you've probably had a klutz moment of your own in the past week or so. I hope that you laughed it off soon afterwards. If you didn't, learn to.
Life gets so much easier when we stop caring who is thinking about us.
You and I have the choice to hold onto those things and obsess over them. But I hope we'll say "Gee, that was stupid" and let it go. Laugh at yourself and forget about it. Nobody cares about our failures as much as we do.
So kick back. Relax. Have a drink. Or maybe a sandwich. I know a sidewalk where you can get some free sauce.
