Going through life I always heard the phrase, "blood is thicker than water." Honestly, I never really understood why people said that. For me and many other people, it seems that blood is "thinner" than water. I grew up in a very blended family around siblings that were my adopted siblings, some who were actually my aunts, and one who was my bilogical sibling. It was never an issue for me growing up around them. They were all equally my siblings in my eyes. However, the relationships I struggled with most were the ones with my biological parents. Unlike some adopted children, I grew up knowing mine. Many people have told me over my 21 years that I am one of the lucky ones who get to know my biological parents. The grass is not always greener though.
So many things go through a child's head when they are in a blended family or feel a lack of connection between the two people who are supposed to love them the most. Some of these things are an extreme sense of loneliness, lack of understanding, hate, and lack of confidence.
In my case, I grew up with extreme separation anxiety. I legitimately thought that because the two people who were supposed to love me the most in the world left me, everyone else would also leave. Not allowing yourself at age six to make friends because you feel that there is something wrong with you and they will leave is extremely devastating to the social growth of any person. It took until my senior year of high school to start letting people into my life. Even today, as a junior in college, it is extremely hard to allow people into my life. Yes, I know that is overly cliche. Trust issues, everyone has them to some extent, right?
Thats what I always told myself, that I was never alone. Except, that is exactly what I was for so long. Alone within my own head.
This is how so many people feel growing up with a "less than ideal" family unit.
I finally realized in my senior year of high school that sometimes the people who love you the most and care about your overall well being through everything are the people who have no blood relation to you at all.
Sometimes you really do have to put yourself out there and let people come into your life. You probably will get hurt along the way. That, unfortunately, is just a part of life. Pulling yourself back up and letting others in will help you grow your own mini family. Every so often you will find those few people who were just meant to be in your life.
Let go of the past and move forward with your best foot forward.
