Chanel Dror wrote an article on CamileStyles.com titled “Are we addicted to overcommitting?” She points out that her husband and his friends can be friends without worrying about buying stuff for each other or planning stuff with them, but women typically tend to ask other girlfriends to do stuff with each other or for them. At the end, she asks, “are we addicted to overcommitting? Does it cause more harm than good? And the biggest question, why don’t men do it?”
I have always been a people pleaser. I tend to say yes when I want to say no. I tend to stress after saying yes and wishing I would have said no but didn't want to disappoint. It's really stressful, to be honest.
So yes, I do believe that we tend to over-commit to things. I do it more than I wish to admit. I think it does cause more harm than good because it stresses me out. I turn my stomach over in knots stressing about whether I will have time to do something and whether it will be pleasing because I will have to rush to finish it.
Men… on the other hand, not so much, according to Chanel. Chanel says, “Contrastingly, I see the way my husband nurtures his friendships. Believe me, when I say, there is none of that. He and his friends are there for each other emotionally when needed, they hang out just as much as I do with my gal pals, but are they bending over backward to buy each other’s kids birthday presents? And worst of all, guilting themselves when they drop the ball? I think we all know the answer to that.”
I asked my guy friends to see whether they over-committed to things and if they did, whether they felt guilty about it or not.
J: “I do and actually I have had to drop writing for the _________ since being here. I only feel bad if it’s something that I needed to stay committed to, which isn’t the case with _________. Otherwise, I would probably be more careful about committing.”
A: “Yes I do but usually I just lose a lot of sleep and get it all done.”
JB: “I have recently registered to go back to school at a community college. Several months before the semester began, I signed up and paid for online classes. I also had signed up for an online class through another college out-of-state, but I didn’t know the class was split-term. So when the semester began, I realized I had overloaded myself with different workloads in all the classes. I was not able to commit to all the classes with the little time I had. So, in the end, I ended up dropping the split-term class and the class from the out-of-state college. I am only taking one class now.
My three guy friends said they do over-commit to things but I wonder if it’s because they are in college and are usually busier than non-college students. So, I decided to ask a guy and girlfriend that are not in college.
Guy: “No, I never over-commit.”
Girl: “Sometimes... but most of the time, I’m really good about scheduling and NOT over committing. It is definitely a balancing act that can tend to get out of control for reasons not entirely under my control (Holiday activities). What I have found is that when I am busier, I am MORE likely to accept multiple offers to do something than when I am not busy. By that I mean, when I am not busy, I have time to evaluate if I have enough time in my schedule for that or not. When I am busy, I tend to answer ‘yes’ to everything without looking over things first.”
So, it seems that it doesn’t matter if you are in college or out of college, or a female or a male, you still tend to over-commit to things. One out of five people I asked doesn’t over-commit. But, there may be some other explanation to why some people over-commit and others don’t. My people-pleasing is my problem.
Do you over-commit to things? Why do you think you over-commit? If you don’t, why not? Let me know in the comments.
